This city is HOT! This summer the temperatures have been through the roof. There isn’t anyone who isn’t sweating all day every day. It’s disgusting. I had to stop taking the subway because it was a virtual sauna. Every person you’d inadvertently touch would be wet with sweat. I needed a shower when I got to work!

And I need one when I get home. So, for the past few weeks, I’ll come home, shower and then just lie in the air-conditioning to cool my core down. Twice now my boyfriend has come home, found me lying down, and gets turned on, wanting to get down to business.

But he hasn’t showered, is sweaty from a long day, and stinky in certain areas where hair traps sweat. I asked him to get off and go shower. He did but he was quick because he wanted to be with me. He hadn’t used soap and was just a smelly bear down there. I kept my nose up high, and we continued with our fun.

Same thing the second time around, but this time, I begged him to use soap. He did and we had a fun evening. But now I want to talk to him about shaving, trimming and personal hygiene so I don’t have to suffer. How do I do that tactfully?

Manscaping

You signed off with the exact term I was going to use to help you discuss your man’s hygiene in a modern, non-blaming, not awkward way. Men across North America and Europe are taking control of their facial and body hair. According to one esthetician, if 20 years ago, she had one gentleman requesting a wax a month, she now has equal amounts of men and women daily. In fact, her menu has changed from gender-specific services to genitalia specific.

But the bottom line is that you are correct: hair traps sweat and creates an unpleasant odour, which is one of the more specified reasons why people in general like to get rid of it. Whether it’s shaving, waxing, depilatories, threading or laser, especially in the heat, people want it gone.

So, make an appointment and go together. If it’s his first time, he may need to hold your hand (it can hurt!).

I recently met a girl online. We’ve been chatting without video for months. She’s cool, and I was desperate to meet her in person. We agreed to meet at a local coffee shop, so she felt safe. As soon as she walked in and her eyes found mine, I was lit up. She has the best smile and twinkly eyes.

We hugged hello, which felt natural and then sat down to talk. When she opened her mouth, I noticed her tongue piercing for the first time and was immediately repulsed. How can a woman as beautiful as this person, put a disgusting bar through her tongue?

I can’t imagine kissing her or having her tongue anywhere on my body. I know I can’t ask her to take it out before we know each other, but the more I know her, the harder it will be if she refuses. What do I do?

Deal Breaker

This sounds like a YOU problem. If it’s a deal breaker, then you need to discuss it, or it becomes the elephant in the room. There’s nothing wrong with addressing her piercing. Ask her about it. It may be fresh, and she loves it; or she may regret her decision. It may be years old and she’s over it. Or she loves it and won’t take it out for anyone. You won’t know where she stands until you ask. And best to discuss it earlier than later.

But does it end with her piercing? What if she changes her hair colour? Pierces her belly? Gets a tattoo? You need to figure out how to support a partner, not challenge them.

FEEDBACK Regarding the boyfriend who likes music and the girlfriend who likes to read in quiet (April 22):

Reader #1 – “The obvious solution was either the music lover invests in a pair of headphones, or the avid reader invest in a pair of noise-cancelling headphones.”

Reader #2 – “Invest in some sound-cancelling headphones or earbuds.  A good pair will let him listen to music all day long without bothering her because the sound doesn’t escape. Alternatively, her pair can cancel out his music and she can try the classical music you suggested.  This compromise works for my husband and me.”

Reader #3 – “I love to read but can’t do it when there’s music playing. Your classical music suggestion is a good one. It’s lyrics that I find most distracting. My husband has found an even better solution though - he listens to whatever he likes through earphones. Wireless ones would work best.”

A faithful reader