I’m 38, a male; eighteen months ago, I started taking up ballroom dancing to try and become more “social” with others. I was instantly attracted to one of the female instructors but the school’s policy forbids instructors from having a relationship with their students. 

Anyways, I thought it was just a crush that would pass; but after several months I somehow felt she may have felt similarly. I secretly confessed my feelings for her. She said that she liked me too but then started acting differently within a matter of months.

Finally, I wrote her a letter saying I was in love with her. She pulled me aside and told me she wasn’t attracted to me at all and if I persisted she’d have to complain to her supervisor about me.

I backed off and tried to have little or no communication with her, but she still talks to me and I still have feelings for her though she now relates to me as student/teacher only.

How do I get her out of my mind without quitting the ballroom dancing?

- Tricky Steps

Change partners, and keep dancing… this may mean finding another studio for lessons, or at least booking classes with different teacher, preferably in a time slot where you won’t see your current one. 

It’s very common for someone who hasn’t been easily social to get a crush on a teacher, especially when dancing is so physically close and requires being attuned to another’s moves. Consider these past lessons as a great kick-start to feeling more comfortable in social settings - making conversation, finding some common interests, and dancing.

Take these new skills to another level by finding some group social settings, such as salsa or other dance classes that involve more people learning together, and through pursuing other of your interests where you’ll meet new people.

My friend met this great guy and got engaged. 

His father, a control freak, called her mother to discuss the wedding. He demanded an open bar, and a specific band (his client).

Her mother said he’d have to help pay for his demands. He got angry. The couple began fighting too and broke up awhile. They got back together with the parents agreeing to each cover their own guests. But the groom’s father listed twice the guests than they claimed, and though affluent, felt that the bride’s family should pay for EVERYTHING.

Eventually, he called off the wedding. The bride’s family lost all the deposits. The groom just had no backbone.

But the couple loved each other and got engaged again; the groom himself paid the deposits. His father struck again, the groom lost all the money.

The bride has moved on and is dating.

Why can’t the son see that his dad keeps controlling him?

Don’t you think families should share expenses these days - especially if they make demands?

- Any Hope Left?

The father was a nightmare, but the son was not the prize this girl believed. A weak man who’ll succumbs to family control, and can’t stand up for the woman he loves, often signals a divorce looming ahead. OR, a lifetime of marital fights and painful disappointment for the woman who thought she could change him. 

Tell your friend she’s lucky to be out of this negative cycle, and to look for a real man next time. She’ll recognize him by his ability to make his own decisions and be a true partner in planning their future.

My husband of 27 years has been impotent for five, but sexual problems were always there. 

His focus is the next big deal.

He refuses to get couples’ help, and doesn't miss sex. There’s no other woman.

I miss sex, but an affair is no solution.

My self-confidence is eroded by his rejection. I no longer have feelings for him, and foresee leaving.

- Needing Courage

Going on your own after so many years, while your confidence is so low, isn’t easy. So I urge you to weigh all your options under the guidance of a professional counsellor. 

Also get legal advice, and present Mr. Dealmaker with what his rejection will involve, financially. It may trigger re-thinking his refusal to get help for impotence; and the realization that you’d leave may cause him to re-think his distancing.

If you do ultimately leave, plan ahead for a strong network of friends’ and family.