We moved in together after one month; we bought an expensive sports car together for good weather; I own a mini-van, which we drive in winter. We traded in his motorcycle and bought a bigger bike together. Then, he got his divorce, and gave everything to his ex -- their house, savings, investments. 

Now, he’s tired of being “house-bound” in winter.

We’re both retired educators, but I work part-time. He wants to work too, but has no winter transportation. He wants to sell the bike and get a car. Or put snow tires on the sports car.

I believe he really wants to give his daughter money for her wedding from the sale of the bike.

He says our lifestyle is too extravagant, but I feel it’s our time to enjoy life.

I’m feeling betrayed because he didn’t mention being housebound when we made the purchases. He also could’ve negotiated better with his ex and kept some assets.

I love him and tell him so. He has a hard time saying it, but he shows it by all the things he does for me.

- Stalemated

Sounds like you’re getting to know each other only now. Every relationship has to work at going with the flow, and your guy has some obligations and needs, which you both need to consider, together. 

Perhaps he “coulda, woulda, shoulda” kept more assets, but he didn’t.

Maybe he felt guilty, or maybe he’s softhearted, whatever, he’s not a man who feathers his own nest first. Deal with the guy you’ve got.

It’s a matter of pride that he pay towards his daughter’s wedding. If that means sell the bike, so be it. And put winter tires on the sports car so he can work. These are small solutions to what will otherwise become a big problem if you continue to feel betrayed, rather than understand his pressures.

My best friend is divorced, and seeing a guy who’s still married and living with his wife. He says his marriage is over. 

After months dating, she’s said he must leave his wife so they can move forward. But he says he can’t leave his wife because she’ll get half his pension, then he’ll have to sell his house, he “made vows,” etc. Then they break up only to start this again.

I don’t like this man or his spinelessness. Do I have the right to ask her not to bring him to my home when they’re “dating” again? She knows how I feel about him and his lame situation.

I want her to see that she can do much better than to settle for him. How can I help my dear friend?

- Concerned

Take off your blinkers and see that your friend walked into this situation, as is – a man living at home yet open to having an affair. This told her two things: 1) He was still comfortable in his marriage; 2) He plays by his own rules. That’s why he’s listing reasons why he CANNOT leave his wife. Spineless? I’d say he’s exactly what he first appeared: a self-indulgent player. Your friend needs to face this reality, dump the guy, and stay away next time from married men, no matter their “story.” 

But your harsh attitude towards this man will only push her away from YOU, not him. State the facts about her boyfriend for her to accept or reject, then stop making judgments. Do not issue orders about excluding him from your home.

I’m a gay male, 20, having a hard time meeting guys. Online dating didn’t work, and I hate the bar scene. I’ve even tried at work, but chose straight people by mistake and felt stupid. 

I’ve always been attracted to Hispanic/Caucasian men who are taller than me and act very masculine… with little luck. Any tips?

- Loner

Throw away your preconceived ideas of the perfect type for you, and expand your horizons. This will lead to new opportunities to meet people from a variety of sources. 

Start by signing up for any activity group that interests you… from beach volleyball to dirt biking, to attending opera rehearsals, etc. …

Wherever you go, be open to making friends first, female and male alike. Once you build a network, it’s easy to put out the word that you’re looking to meet other gay men to date. And your broader activities will make you a more interesting candidate.