I’ve been dating this wonderful man for quite awhile. I remember the day he told me he loved me. It was perfect.

A few months have gone by since then. I know he still loves me but he never says it to me.

If I say it to him, most times I’ll get a mumble of something. Or, when I text him that I love him, I’ll get a bunch of emoticons texted back.

It's not that we don't love each other. I’m just wondering why he doesn't say it.

I want to talk to him about it but am just not sure how to bring it up.

Curious Girlfriend

Ask him. This doesn’t mean that you should interrogate him, or show doubt of his love, or neediness that you require confirmation on a daily basis.

It’s a conversation that’s part of your getting to know each other in a deeper, more intimate way.

For example, you may learn that while growing up, such statements weren’t common in his household between parents, or with their kids.

Or, that he’s somewhat awkward with repeated open statements of love.

His answer should simply inform you, so that you can then talk about your feelings about expressing love.

But the main point here is that if you’re building a relationship you hope will last, you must feel free to ask the questions that interest you.

Repressing those questions often leads to insecurities about the relationship, which can be a first step to unwarranted anxiety and tension.

 

My boyfriend and I notice that his sister's son, age two, receives new toys from his parents two-to-three times a week.

He's constantly opening new toys, never playing with the same one as the week before.

He's a smart, sweet, little boy, but we worry that with this constant flow of toys, he may get spoiled.

He already has his own tablet to watch movies. His toys occupy most of their basement.

The couple has had many arguments lately over finances since the husband lost his job.

However, they both adore their son. I think all this spending on toys is their way of coping, a way to escape.

We try our best not to tell them how to parent, since we’re not parents ourselves.

As "Auntie" and "Uncle," we buy him gifts only for special occasions, and vary them with clothes and books, not just toys.

When we spend time with him, weekly, we play with him and whatever toys he wants. Half the time he's opening new ones.

But recently he spent almost an hour playing with just plastic boards and one toy car, to "build" his own bridge – he's very creative!

I'm worried all these new toys will teach him limited attention span, lack of appreciation for gifts, and lack of creativity.

What should I do? What should, or shouldn't, I say?

Not A Spoiler

Say nothing. Lead by example.

Since you’re not parents, your views won’t be accepted as wise from experience (even though they’re sensible views).

Also, this couple has enough stress without added criticism.

Your weekly visits and patient creative play with their child is a gift in itself, and provides a teaching opportunity without words.

Bring some plastic food containers along and help him “build” a structure. Save your paper towel rolls to use as tunnels for his small cars. Use your own imagination and you’ll encourage his and delight the parents when you show what he’s created.

FEEDBACK Regarding the husband’s close friendship with his female student (April 14):

Reader – “His wife sounds over-anxious.

There’s no mention of unfaithful activity.
“Her husband offered several times to introduce her to this young woman, yet the wife refused to meet her.

“Since the young woman suggested that her ex-teacher “give her away” at her wedding, this affectionate mentor must’ve been a father-figure to her.
“The wife kept on choosing to see this as a threat instead of a valuable human
relationship.

“If the husband got pleasure from his role, why not?
“Is society so afraid of the inappropriate that we can't see the goodness in human
caring?”

Ellie – I agree that she should’ve met the girl. Yes, she was over-anxious, which is why he needed to explain and modify his role.

But, unfortunately, many people (and many institutions) would deem his close relationship with a young student as inappropriate, even if he only meant to be kind.