Dear Readers – “Love at first sight” is something I’m frequently asked about:
Is it a real feeling that strikes a person on first meeting?
How often does it lead to a lasting relationship?
My own response is that the “thunderbolt” that strikes is an attraction, based on chemistry and emotional readiness. It can become a lasting and deep love, over time.
I urge more of you to send in accounts of what happened between you and that person, with whom you experienced the flush of belief that you’d found instant love.
Following are two responses to a July 3 column question on this topic:
Reader #1- “I had had lots of boyfriends and had thought lots of maybe-he’s-the-one.
“But on that enchanted evening, at 7:05 pm, at of all the prosaic places as night school, a tall, dark impossibly-handsome stranger stood in the doorway looking, so he told me later, for the prettiest girl in the room. And I knew. All doubts vanished.
“It was love at first sight. We recently celebrated our 32nd anniversary.”
Reader #2 – “First of all, my husband has multiple sclerosis and I’d never treat him any differently because of it. Sure, he may need help dressing or for other things, and we don’t know what the future will bring, but it doesn’t mean I love him any less.
“Secondly, it was love at first sight for me – his reaction to me was a tad slower, I think. But I knew as soon as I saw him (on a blind date) that he was the one.
“We’ve been together for almost 20 years, married for 19. He is the love of my life, and the feeling is mutual (so he tells me).
“We have been through a lot together - even before the MS! - and we rely on each other for strength and love, and a host of other things!”
FEEDBACK Regarding your response to my question about moving cities to live with my divorced boyfriend (July 3):
Reader – “As far as his child is concerned, I agree with you that I would need to cooperate with his wife in introducing her to our (mine and my boyfriend’s) life together.
“They’ve been divorced three years, separated two years prior, and have a very friendly joint custody. The child lives with her father at least 50% of the time. He’s able to work from home, so he’s a full-time dad when the child is around. So it's been five years, in which the ex-wife chose not to work.
“However, you've given me a lot to think about. If it is his legal duty to support his ex-wife with no end in sight, then I need to think about whether I can handle this relationship. Forgive my selfishness, but I think I’d have problem sharing the fruits of our financial success with the ex… I would see that as taking away from our own future children.”
Still Riled up
The message here to all who plan to marry divorced people with children: be aware from the start of your love’s legal obligations.
And also be aware that with young children in the picture, there’s usually involvement with their other parent, and often grandparents too, for years. This is the healthier situation in most cases for the child, but the new spouse has to be willing.
Or the divide will create huge marital problems and hurt everyone involved.
FEEDBACK Regarding the guy who wants to know what women have against short men (July 3):
Reader – “Tell him that we're not ALL like that... I'm a woman who’s okay with short guys! I'm 5'4" and “short” is just the same height as me.
“I've dated short guys all my life and recently put out an ad on Craig's List that said, among other things, "Short guys welcome! As long as you don't have the dreaded ‘Short Guys Disease.’
“Come to think of it, I suspect that explains why I got so many responses :)
“I even wrote a blog post last year called In Praise Of Short Guys... in which I encourage women to get over their height obsession.”
Ellie – Consider celebrity lovers who’ve been dubbed “tally-smally couples” by comedian Michelle Collins, recently of the pop culture website Bestweekever.tv. Example: Ajax Ontario’s Sum 41 singer Deryck Whibley (5’5”) and Ari Cooper (6-ft).
It’s about confidence.
Tip of the day:
For some people, who beyond being lucky also work at their relationship, the feeling of love at first sight really does last.