I'm 42, but I look 35. I’ve been separated for a year, after 14 years of marriage. Getting a date from attractive women has been an impossible nightmare.
I'm only of average looks. Bars, clubs, and online dating were a waste of my time and money, with very little success.
Most of my friends and family are in relationships. I don't have a pool of "single" people.
However, I discovered online dating in Ukraine where I started having success with younger girls – late-20's, early-30's - looking to get married and have kids.
These women are seven’s or eight's in the looks department, rather then supermodels, and are educated with jobs.
I’ve made two trips there to meet various women and it feels great to be wanted.
If I could get the same success here with online dating, I probably wouldn’t travel abroad to meet these women.
However, anyone I’ve told about it have all said this:
“If you get serious with an attractive woman 10-15 years younger than you, it’s extremely probable she’d leave you if you bring her here. Those relationships last longer only when the man moves to her homeland.”
I share this concern, yet I'm drawn to finding a meaningful relationship.
Stay home. And stop your superficial search… it’s the wrong approach to a meaningful connection.
You’re consumed with looks, and “successful” dating, instead of meeting someone, finding something in common, getting to know that person, and falling in love. That’s real “success,” not a win or a score.
Be yourself, whatever age and looks you present. Go to events, activities, clubs, new ventures, and places that truly interest you.
Talk to people, and make friends. Increase your network; build confidence in yourself, and your chances of being sincerely mutually attracted with someone. If it then happens in the Ukraine, fine. But it has to start with you, now, at home.
My friend’s been seeing a married man for ten years (both were married, both with young children). She left her husband a year later. Her lover periodically said he’d leave when his kids got older.
He’s always had excuses: his substance abuse issues, lost his job, had a serious scare. He lied that his wife always knew. But then she opened his emails and truly discovered the affair. They still live together.
Occasionally, my friend stopped contact with him. That’s when I’d encourage her that maybe it's for the best. But she always got back together. She insists he’s going to leave and they’ll find a place together with her two kids.
Though I'm one of her closest friends, I've only met him once and he was falling-down drunk. I fear he will one day leave his family and she’ll be stuck with him.
Should I say anything? I worry she’ll end our friendship, but if I don't speak up, I’ll feel regretful.
You’ve held back your real feelings about this guy for ten years? Though a well-meaning friend, your seeming approval may’ve helped her maintain the fantasy of a happy future with this loser.
Time to be an honest friend who helps her to at least be realistic. He may leave his wife, but it’s unlikely. Meantime, he remains a weak, deceitful, selfish man who’ll bring the same “issues” into her life that she gets to partly avoid while NOT living with him.
She’s wasting her chances to meet someone better and give her kids a more wholesome environment. Tell her so, kindly.
I’m a teen, recently started my first job. One co-worker’s five years older than me.
He’ll tickle me and stuff.
One night (9:30pm), I walked home since Mum couldn't pick me up. He was walking too and took my hand.
But then he pulled me into a hug and kissed me on the cheek. I pushed him away, slightly.
Later, he asked for a hug and another kiss. I said, "just a hug," to not hurt his feelings. I was a bit scared afterwards.
I cannot tell this to my Mum (she's religious). Perhaps he was just lonely?
You don’t have to be uncomfortable to save anyone else’s feelings. Nor find excuses for unwanted behavior. Only you can protect yourself.
It starts by having limits on people touching, tickling, kissing you just because they want to.
Tell Mum it’s scary walking home at night. Tell this guy you don’t want to be touched.
Tip of the day:
You don’t find deep love by fishing for it on the surface.