I’m 23, have been with my girl for five years; we have three wonderful children but our relationship has been in a downward spiral for two months, since I introduced her to my male co-worker. 

He’s come over to our house to socially drink a couple of times; they exchanged cell phone numbers and began to text message each other.

I got upset at them both for this and my girlfriend said she’d stop talking to him. But I found out they were still talking.

It turned into a standoff argument between us.

Should I continue to let them talk or should I say we cannot be together anymore?

- At the Crossroads

This is about your feelings, and your girlfriend’s willingness to ignore them. 

Your co-worker is taking advantage of the situation, but he’s only a symbol of the problem, since your partner can go on to develop friendships with other men.

However, some information is missing – that is, whether your girlfriend was just reaching out for friendship and contact outside of the home. If she’s your same age, she’s been occupied with small children since she’s 18.

Before you make any dramatic decisions, talk to her about her needs. Explain that you both must express your feelings if you’re to stay together long-term… e.g. YOU need reassurance that she’s not seeking attention from other men; and SHE may be signalling that she needs to get out more, have time with friends, and more attention from you.

Have The Talk, and see a marriage counsellor, before you think any further about separating.

While I’ve been casually dating a man for four months, I’ve confided in a close girlfriend about my budding romance; yet for several weeks, she’d been avoiding me. Then I learned that my “confidante” had flirted with and kissed my new love interest at a party when I wasn't there. She said she was too drunk to really remember what happened but was almost certain that she’d crossed the line with him. 

Both say nothing happened. I believe them.

But I’m shocked that my friend doesn’t value our friendship the same way I do. She thinks I should forgive her since nothing physical happened.

Instead of coming to me directly, she escalated the drama by talking about it to others and then avoided me.

Now, I feel her apology is insincere. She continues to deflect the issue by claiming she knew all along that he was no good for me and that his flirting proves her point.

I think she cannot be trusted.

Am I being too drastic by telling her I no longer want to be friends?

- Seeing Red in Vancouver

Three lessons here: 1) don’t confide everything personal about a romance; 2) don’t accept the “drunk amnesia” excuse as an apology; 3) it takes two sets of lips for a kiss. Here’s my take: Though girlfriends like to confide, it’s best not to go overboard on a new romance – too much information can make for too much curiosity. 

Also, this friend knew what she was doing but didn’t stop herself; that’s not the same as not remembering.

Finally, your guy needs to know you were hurt by his actions, even if “nothing happened.” It may be early dating still, but he should apologize for crossing the line with your friend. As for your girlfriend, she’s mostly embarrassed.

Cool it for a while but don’t be “drastic,” yet.

Recently, while having lunch with a friend, she talked about someone being a “Hymie” (cheapskate).  

How could I have politely said that the term is offensive? I’m certain she doesn’t know the origin of that term.

By the way, I’m Jewish.

- Language Matters

The explanation is simple: “Hymie” is a known derogatory term for a Jewish person. It was at the centre of negative publicity for American Jesse Jackson in his 1984 presidential campaign, when he called New York City “Hymie Town” to refer to the city’s Jews in an off-record conversation. 

Historically, even mildly pejorative comments can lead people to believe racist stereotypes.

Without becoming hypersensitive about political correctness, this is an opportunity to educate your friend about the term; and also about the background of persecution Jews and other ethnic groups have experienced, through ingrained prejudices including anti-Semitism.

Be confident about your own principles, in this friendship.