My entire life I have always lived in the shadow of my older brother. For better or for worse, I have always been known as “Mark’s little brother.”
In good ways, it gave me an inside lane to girls because he was a popular sporty guy. He had a lot of friends, which was also good for me. But on the flip side, he wasn’t a great student, and he was a troublemaker, so teachers and other authority would label me without giving me a fair shake.
I recently went on a date with a woman with whom I had a great night. I found her interesting, gorgeous, funny and I felt chemistry between us. We spoke the next day and the next. Then I didn’t hear from her for two days. I left her a few messages, but nothing.
I decided to call one last time because I wasn’t clear as to what had gone wrong. She told me that when she told her mom about our date, once her mom heard my name, she told her daughter all the naughty things my brother had done as a child when she was his teacher - but confused him with me. I’m now trying to convince this woman that her mom is referring to my brother.
Even still, I’m having to apologize for events that took place years ago. What do I do?
Not My Brother
I find it odd that a woman of your description would be so influenced by her mother’s memory of someone. Also, even if it was you, she’s remembering things from when you/your brother was in elementary school. That’s absurd!
If you think this woman is worth it, ask her if you can come over to meet her mother in person, and bring a photo album with photos of you and your brother from when she was his teacher. Hopefully, you can win her over with your adult charm and personality. Good luck!
I’ve been single for half a dozen years, and I’ve been on over 100 first dates. That’s a lot of dates and a lot of guys! Many of the men have been interesting, handsome and I would have enjoyed going on a second date, though it never materialized. Some I wouldn’t have accepted, but they didn’t ask either.
What am I doing wrong on my first dates that gives off the impression I’m not looking for another?
Still Single
My first reaction is to say, don’t be so hard on yourself. However, I think it’s very mature and astute of you to take a good look in the mirror. After 100+ dates, perhaps you are giving off a vibe of disinterest.
I have an idea: ask three different men whom you love and trust and know have your best interest at heart (not including your dad) to help you out with this. Go on a pretend date with them. It could be in your backyard, or your kitchen table; just not lying on the couch in your living room. And get your sister to write out the script for the guys so they all ask you the same thing.
Then get their honest feedback. Talk it through with them. What can you change.
If that comes up short, then just keep putting yourself out there. You’re a strong and courageous woman.
FEEDBACK Regarding oral sex (May 24):
Reader – “You missed the obvious with your response. The problem with his odour is most likely simple hygiene. Sometimes after a long day, working, playing, whatever, the equipment can get a bit ‘whiffy.’
“Maybe she should take a shower with him before the fun starts. I’m sure he would enjoy the experience, and the odour problem would be solved.
“As far as his propensity for oral sex, I’m afraid I can’t help you there. Guys do really enjoy the experience….”
Reader #2 – “Your recent column answering a question about oral sex is extremely offensive and should not have been published. There are some things that are not suitable for a newspaper, and this is one of them. Shame on you for submitting this letter. If the person needs help, let her go to a therapist on her own. Most disgusting - ugh.”
Lisi – I’m sorry if you don’t feel that sex and all that surrounds it are permissible to discuss publicly. Perhaps you have some inhibition issues.
Reader #3 – “I wonder if the letter writer told you anything about how the guy gives HER pleasure. Especially when he ‘storms off.’
“My guess is that he doesn’t return the favour in any equal measure.”