Part one-I'm a mature male, 20, who's desperate for a long-term relationship (LTR). For the past two years I've gone on at least 50 dates but have only been committed to my dates for a month at most.

I'm constantly finding myself seeking an excuse to end contact with my dates and usually use stupid reasons. What's wrong with me? Why do I ditch my dates over their smallest imperfections?

Confused

Part two-I'm female, 17, and haven't had a real relationship. I know that's not unusual, but every time I come close, I get a really uncomfortable feeling in my chest. It keeps me from letting myself get close. The same feeling keeps me from speaking about personal things.

I've been attracted to guys, but as soon as there's any mention of a real relationship, I'm turned off. I'm unsure if I've just never really liked a guy, or something's preventing me from doing so.

Concerned

No, this isn't a One Answer Fits All, but it's obvious that you both are ignoring your own natures.

To Confused: Give it a rest! There's nothing "mature" about rushing to have 50 dates in two years. Nor is desperation a solid start for any LTR.

Turn off the false alarm in your head, or whatever/whomever is insisting you find a serious girlfriend by age 20. All your frenetic responses are urging you to take time getting to know someone - one person - before even considering whether you two should date.

Get to know yourself better, too: Your running from "slight imperfections" begs the question: who and what do you think is perfect? Or is this just another clue you're not ready to be committed?

To Concerned: Listen to your chest! That uncomfortable feeling is a natural warning system. It's coming from your inner sense that a relationship is too confining for you now, and you don't like any guy enough.

It's normal to be attracted but not ready to settle with one person. It's also normal - and wise - to not spill your personal feelings, except in select situations where you trust the listener and need to share.

Look at yourself positively: You've not been seduced by media hype about young romance; you're not on a cell phone in public streets blabbing your life aloud.

I call that inner strength, not something wrong.

My brother and sister-in-law never invite me, my sister, and our families to their home; when we invite them, they cancel, arrive late, and appear miserable.

My mother was just moved by necessity into a long-term care facility. My brother and SIL bore the brunt because they lived nearby. They're probably resentful (never said), but I helped when I could.

I'm offended at their avoidance of us. I suspect that my SIL's responsible for this treatment. She's cut off her own sister and likely wants my brother to follow suit. But he's not blameless. Should I try to re-connect?

Spurned

Climb down from your polarized position of "offended" - it dooms the relationship. Yes, their having to be responsible while your mother deteriorated must've taken its toll. That calls for YOU making a special effort to smoothen feelings.

A thank-you gift - one to your SIL's taste - is a smart start. Also, offer a shared schedule to visit Mom so they don't end up responsible for checking on her care.

Plan other ways to get together that suit all your families - e.g. sports or community event. So far, your approach sounds one-sided.

My friend's longtime boyfriend pushed her for an "open relationship." She's dependent on him financially and lives somewhat isolated.

She agreed; he promptly started seeing another woman, in the house, and puts my friend up in a hotel. She then met numerous men online and slept with them.

She's now seeing one man exclusively but she insists her boyfriend's first in her heart and believes he feels similarly.

To her chagrin, I've said that if she decides to leave him (which I hope), I'll help her find accommodation or transport her back to her family. She refuses to acknowledge the real horror of her situation. What else can I do?

Worried

Ask the questions that make her think for herself: How often does her guy see her? How long is this acceptable? What's their plan for the long-term?

Meanwhile, provide the phone number of a distress centre in case of a crisis.