My good friend is extremely politically minded; I am not. He is also very opinionated about the things he has studied and believes in. I am not interested in those things, so have no information. We see each other at least once a week, either at the gym, out with mutual friends, or at an event that we’re both attending. We run in very similar circles.

Whenever we see each other, he lights in on me. I don’t know if anything he’s saying is “right” or not, but I don’t want to get into it. I’d rather talk about sports or movies or shows on Netflix.

I like him a lot, I just don’t want to talk about the things he wants to jam down my throat all the time. How do I deal with this?

Not so opinionated

I suggest you tell your friend that hitting you over the head (not literally) with his opinions is doing the opposite of what he’s hoping to accomplish. Instead of swaying you to his beliefs, he’s driving you further away. Ask him to give you the dumbed down version of what he’s so focused on. Not because you’re unintelligent, but because too many details become information overload and then everything loses shape.

For example, say he’s a staunch vegan and that’s what his focus is: to try to get everyone to eat vegan. Ask him to explain why, what the benefits are etc. Hear him out. Once. The next time you see him, have your reason for agreeing or disagreeing – whatever it is – and tell him.

Then say something to the effect of, “You have your beliefs, and I heard you out. I have mine. Let’s accept each other’s beliefs and move on to another topic.” If he can’t/won’t/doesn’t, you may have to take a break from him.

My wife has a male friend, whom I have met, who she sees a few times a year. For some reason, he doesn’t know that we are a married couple, even though we’ve been together for eight years and have a child. Whenever I mention to my wife that it seems strange that he doesn’t know about our relationship, she brushes it off by saying he isn’t that close a friend. However, they have spent a good amount of time together.

I want her to tell him about me, and I don’t know why she won’t. She says that when they are together, they mostly talk about his life and not hers. For context, we are a same-sex couple.

Is it wrong for me to feel uncomfortable about this, especially since we live in gay-friendly Toronto, and she seems to be otherwise comfortable sharing her sexual orientation? What should I do?

Married with Kid

I don’t think it’s wrong for you to feel uncomfortable at all. Before you mentioned that you were a same-sex couple, I had the same reaction – that this “secrecy” is inappropriate and unfair to you. Is she ashamed to be gay? Is she ashamed of your relationship? If the answer is yes to either of those, then she needs help figuring out who she is, who she wants to be, and whether your marriage is part of that.

If it’s just this guy, then I think you have every right to call her out and force her hand on the issue. That’s how I would feel if my significant other – of any sexuality – were to keep our relationship “hidden” from someone.

I also wonder if she thinks this guy will have a problem with her being gay, your marriage, etc. If so, why does she want to still be friends with him? This calls for a conversation between you and your partner.

FEEDBACK Regarding dog days (Feb.7):

Reader #1- “It is ALWAYS someone’s business to speak up for animals if we believe they may be at risk.

“Her neighbour may have good intentions; however, it sounds like the situation is out of control (i.e. too many dogs, overwhelming smell).  It appears her mental health and the health of all the dogs she’s fostering may also be at risk.

“The letter writer needs to contact her local SPCA and voice her concerns.”

Reader #2 – “At least 12 dogs in one house with an overwhelming stench emanating from that house?  The neighbour should call her local SPCA branch. It’s unlikely she’s fostering these dogs, but regardless of that issue, dogs should not be this crowded nor should they be living in sufficient filth to create a shocking smell that can be sensed by people at the front door.”