I'm 55, married 33 years. I recently read on my husband's Blackberry (he's on it 24/7) some sexually explicit emails to another male co-worker about what he wanted to do to a female co-worker.
This woman reports to my husband, and they "workout" at the company gym together. She dresses in tight, skimpy clothing from what I read, with her breasts showing. I confronted him regarding this and his only concern was violation of his privacy. He doesn't care about how this hurt me. I said these emails are grounds for sexual harassment, and extremely unethical.
I later saw an email and map quest indicating he went to a strip club after a meeting. Its web site promoted the sexual antics men could pay for, beyond lap dances. His shirt had pink makeup around the collar, and all the way down the front.
He admitted to going there maybe three times over the past ten or 15 years. I asked about STD's and he said he used a condom. His explanation: I wasn't doing anything with him sexually, so he paid a pro.
I've not had any sexual relations since 2000. After a hysterectomy and menopause, the feelings are gone.
I'm disgusted with his behaviour, and now question the entire relationship, and if he was ever unfaithful in the beginning.
NOTE** I was sexually abused from the time I was maybe two or three... until around eight by an uncle. I have never told anyone about this or discussed it with my doctor.
I'm seeing a counsellor soon. Menopause is real, and the symptoms persist - sleeplessness, sweats, mood swings, diminished sex drive.
I'm thinking I should leave him. I just want to live alone and not be around him anymore.
Deal with YOU first, then the relationship. Your childhood abuse plays a huge factor in your life, consciously or otherwise. It affects how you feel about sex in general, how you adapt to physical/hormonal changes, aging, etc.
Even if you leave your husband and find yourself happy to live alone, this past trauma needs to be addressed.
Meanwhile, since you never told your husband, he can't possibly know you've been impacted by sexual abuse. Your entire sexual life together might've been different had he known, and had you both sought counselling regarding this.
His behaviour is a separate matter. He's a frustrated man, albeit one who's acting foolishly about his co-worker. The strip-club visits are not as surprising.
My high school friend recently started trying to lose weight. After losing five pounds, she's talking about doing serious amounts of exercise, and setting weight goals. She's attractive, has a great figure, beautiful eyes and a nice smile. Yet she has almost no confidence in her personal appearance.
She's had past health issues and once lost a dangerous amount of weight over a short time. I worry that her other health issues will act up if she tries to lose too much weight. Whenever I raise the topic she becomes defensive and refuses to discuss it.
Use this opportunity to help her, and for your own benefit, to learn more about nutrition. Make it a joint project, without lecturing her or disapproving. Just tell her that healthy eating maintains a steady weight, while dieting often rebounds into overeating.
There are many easy-reading nutrition books on the self-help shelves. Some provide meal planning, even for people as busy as students, as well as some recipes you two could try together for fun.
My longtime friend broke up with her boyfriend. Her now-ex had become friends with my boyfriend and me. How can I be supportive to her without choosing sides? They're both good people but weren't right for each other. My boyfriend sides with her ex and I feel stuck in between everyone.
She prefers that I don't hang out with her ex anymore. However, my boyfriend does and I'll sometimes see him around. It's also put a strain on my relationship. My boyfriend keeps secrets about what her ex says.
Bolster your "side" with your boyfriend by agreeing to disagree, and NOT expecting him to report on this guy, so you're NOT in the middle.
Then be clear to your friend that you support her through this break-up, but you can't stop your boyfriend from seeing his friend. And she can't expect you'll never see him, since they're still friends.
Tip of the day:
Past abuse affects relationships, unless you deal with it.