My current boyfriend and I were in serious long-term relationships when we met. I broke off with my ex before the new relationship got too serious. But it took him longer than me.
He was still living with his ex-girlfriend at the time. However, we were caught walking together. The fall-out was extremely ugly. I felt like we basically destroyed his ex-girlfriend's world.
We moved in together shortly after, in a different city, because I had a new job. We lived together for a year. I discovered that he has a serious alcohol-abuse problem. He turns means and can be verbally abusive towards me. I’ve asked him to seek counselling, but he’s refused. He was also unemployed for the past year and I supported him.
He recently moved back home, still unemployed, and on social assistance. We’re in a long-distance relationship now, but I’m unsure of the future.
I want to move on from the past, but I have a hard time letting him go. I constantly check his ex-girlfriend's Facebook just to see how she's doing. But I recognize that this impedes my own growth.
Stuck in Past
You’re stuck on past guilt and mistakes, not on him. You don’t like yourself for having devastated his ex, and you certainly don’t think you have a winner of a boyfriend.
He’s an unemployed alcoholic dependent on you emotionally (and financially still?) but doing nothing to improve his life and be a true partner.
Stop enabling him. The ex-girlfriend is somehow managing without both of you.
Start taking care of just you. End the relationship, and get counselling if you still need it after you shuck these burdens.
My sisters and I sometimes find our mom very difficult. Our encounters with her can be nice, or very irritating, and make us miserable.
We try to have compassion and do nice things for her, and with her. She’s negative. With our dad she learned to be passive aggressive and was repressed by their relationship. He passed two years ago.
Although a very loving and good man, he was also a selfish alcoholic. She raised six children well, but I recall her unhappiness. Yet she stood by my dad when most women would’ve left.
After he passed, I encouraged counselling or AL-ANON. She wasn't interested. She's very angry and still passive aggressive. She acts like a victim, or plays stupid, and recalls who has taken advantage of her and treated her badly.
I get angry, and leave our well-meaning visit feeling terrible and then later guilty.
I’d like her to live out the rest of her life without pain and anger. How can I be around her and not react so that I can feel like a better person?
You’re too hard on yourself. Your mother’s difficult, period. She always was; hasn’t changed. Getting older and being on her own just entrenches her patterns for negativity and self-pity.
The only people who can possibly change are you and your sisters. Set the example: get short-term counselling yourself to recognize your right to be annoyed, and your ability to learn to react less.
Set the limits of how much contact with Mom you can handle, but also decide which visits and outings work best. Make those your time with Mom, and keep others to a minimum.
Also, try double-teaming some of the contacts. If two sisters are together with Mom, any negatives could be balanced by having a sister’s company and understanding.
This sounds so “typical-teenager” but, how do I get my crush to notice me? I've had a crush on him for almost three years.
We only really talked during one semester when we had French together.
We teased each other and flirted a little, but after the semester ended, it stopped.
How do I talk to him without looking weird?
You may be a teenager but you’re wise to know to seek some advice rather than embarrass yourself.
“Crushes” are a very personal matter - one person can feel a very strong crush, while the other person who’s its object, may have no clue.
In your case, acting too friendly all of a sudden will seem weird. Also, face the fact he may not feel the same way.
So treat him like any other student you know a little… say hi when you can, or just smile as you pass. If he’s interested, you’ll know it.
Tip of the day:
Enabling an addicted person, who doesn’t help himself, damages your own self-image.