My long-term boyfriend and I broke up a year ago. I now realize, in retrospect, that I wasn't treated very well.
For instance, his neighbor, whom I knew better than he did, passed away and my boyfriend went to the visitation without me.
I thought then that he was probably very busy with work and just went when he had a chance.
There were many other incidences and I made excuses for him. I’m now convinced that he wanted me to break up with him.
When I didn't, he did it by a phone message. Why would someone treat someone badly, hoping that they’d be the one to end it?
From these few details, it seems your boyfriend treated the relationship carelessly, and that you didn’t have the awareness or self-assurance to call him on it.
Perhaps the long-term duration of being together had led to his taking you for granted. Perhaps you were both young and inexperienced.
What’s certain is that he lacked the backbone to speak up and give the relationship a chance, by talking to you about whatever he thought was missing.
Ultimately, he did you a favour.
Anyone who breaks up by text, email, or phone message, instead of face-to-face discussion, is a crummy partner in every respect. Not someone you could rely on for any serious matters.
Move on, stop analyzing the past, and make sure your next boyfriend has character you can count on.
My very close friend of three years and I like doing the same things, eating similar foods, and enjoy the same travel patterns.
As women who’ve never really had close female friends prior (we always had male best friends) this friendship is a first in many ways.
However, she has trust issues. She lies - mostly insignificant lies - but I don’t think she realizes it.
She deems herself as honest and accuses others of lying because she has trust issues.
She had a very traumatic experience in her teens, which has led her to be very insecure. Aside from body image issues, she lets everyone know how well she’s doing. She puts others down, so that she can feel better about herself (that’s what I and her other friends think).
She can’t have a boyfriend because she doesn’t want to be anything less then him career-wise and financially. She also finds it very difficult to like new people.
I’ve tried to show her that I won’t just leave her as others have done, and that she can trust people because not everyone is bad.
Yet she’ll still fight with me over the stupidest things, say she hates me, and waits until I message her first, or after two weeks acts like nothing happened.
I need her to see that she needs help. How do I do this? Or, do I walk away and lose a good friend?
Close But Uncomfortable
Since you haven’t had close female friends before, know this: Discussing your best friend’s flaws with mutual female friends will get back to her, and feed into her distrust.
Either you “get” her background issues and accept some of her flaws, or, you have the courage to say that she’s blocked from boyfriend relationships and true self-confidence by her past.
Also, say that you care about her and encourage her to talk to a therapist.
She may not agree, and you may risk the friendship. But it’s a lot better than just walking away.
During my final high school year, I had a loud, messy breakdown, several times. I saw the school counselor.
This year, I have a job, but still get urges to cut myself, or worse. It scares me. Some terrible days I want to be done with it all.
I hide in my room, and barely hang out with friends. I haven't gotten my driver's license and when reminded, get horribly annoyed. I only regularly leave home for work and cadet meetings.
Anxious in Australia
You feel hopeless, yet show the drive to survive, and the tenacity to work and be a responsible cadet.
See your family’s doctor, or attend a walk-in clinic about your anxiety and self-destructive urges. When low, find the distress phone line for your area (Google or Yellow Pages).
Reaching out will connect you to a counselor who’ll provide some strategies to understand the root of your anxiety and ways to handle it.
Tip of the day:
When a partner treats your place in his life too casually, speak up.