I’m male, 43, and out of a four-year relationship with a woman I thought was my soul mate. Our only big issue was that she was a city girl and I’m a country boy; she refused to compromise to move slightly out of the city, though I’d agreed to move much closer. 

However, at one low point, I had a profile on an online dating website. Though I never contacted anyone through it, she found out, became angry, and broke off with me. I started counselling, as I didn’t want to make this kind of mistake again.

I then pursued her to win back her trust and love. Months later, she agreed to try again. But it was always up to me to visit her (45 minutes away). She was always too busy to come to me (neither of us has kids).

One week, she emailed that she loved and missed me. The next week, she emailed that we weren’t seeing each other enough and she wanted it to end.

I stopped all contact for six months.

When I reached out, she informed me she was seeing someone else. I’m heartbroken, and angry with myself that I still have feelings for her. I feel betrayed that she found it so easy to move on.

I know you’ll recommend counselling but the economic downturn has deeply affected my finances. I’ve lost my job so I have a lot of time to think, and it’s always about her.

My biggest fear is that I’ll forever be alone.

- Wits’ End

Your sadness is understandable, but it’s compounded: Job loss also packs a huge emotional wallop. Plus, you’re in mid-life, looking at the glass as half-empty. But there’s at least half a life ahead to fill - with hope, new beginnings and personal growth. You’re not alone. 

Countless others are also making adjustments to changed economics, and expectations. It CAN be an adventure to re-think your goals, and discover different pathways.

With a positive attitude, you’ll find a way to become productive, and also take yourself places to meet potential life partners. You have to “counsel” yourself that the grieving has to eventually be put aside, and focus on moving forward.

I’m 53, male, divorced after 26 years. 

In four years on my own, I’ve had three relationships, the last one for seven months. She’s 51, never married, no kids; we had chemistry together.

She said I was the most wonderful man she’d met, she left a message on my answering machine that we had a lot to offer each other; she’d say she loved me. But she’d never let me meet her family, as they’d through this too many times before.

As time went on she also told me her friends didn’t want to meet me (odd). Then she broke it off. She said we weren’t right for each other.

My friends tell me to run. Is she afraid of commitment or is she a player?

- Can’t Figure Her

Don’t waste your time on speculation. This is one person about whom it may be correct to say, there’s a reason why she never married. 

She could counter that she’s been hurt too often; she has reasons to be untrusting of men and relationships, etc.

But the point is you only had chemistry, not enough emotional connection and mutual understanding. So there’s no sense in pursuing her when it’s clear she’s already run.

Instead, run the other way.

My friend’s married 20 years, with a son. Because her husband has kidney problems, the couple only has sex two to three times a year, now almost never. 

Her husband’s a good man.

Should my friend leave her husband or find another man secretly with whom to have sex?

- Caring Friend

Your friend should speak to a doctor, instead of her pals, to inquire how her husband’s kidney condition affects his sex drive, and whether anything can be changed to improve his desire. It may be his medication that’s caused the problem (and it perhaps can be adjusted) or that he’s afraid (and can be re-assured by a physician). 

If there’s no hope of sex, she needs to search her own conscience, weigh her feelings for him and her family versus her sexual needs, and also consider how she’d react to discovery and the potential loss of her marriage.