At a recent event I attended, I was introduced to a woman whose daughter has just started dancing at the same studio as my daughter. Her daughter is younger, but it’s a small enough studio that I asked my daughter if she knew her. Her response was yes, that this girl is sweet but gets pushed around by the other girls.

I was surprised because the mother had gushed about how this studio is so much better than her old studio, specifically because of the community. She had gone on to say how lovely everyone was to her daughter, from the dance teachers to the other dancers in her group, to all the kids running around the studio.

I feel badly that she thinks everything is fine when it’s clearly not. It’s obviously not my place to say anything to the mom, but how can I help this child?

Dance Mom

Since you don’t know these people, I would agree that it is not your place to say anything. However, you could remind your daughter that it’s important to always show kindness, and perhaps she can have some influence over those who are pushing this girl around.

And if you’re ever at the studio in person, keep an eye out for this little girl. Also, ask your daughter about the girl in a few weeks and see what she says.

Down the street from my elderly and frail aunt is a low-income housing lowrise apartment building. The tenants all meet the criteria for having a low income. I understand the need for these types of community affordable housing units, and as a taxpayer, I understand that some of my hard-earned income goes to help subsidize these accommodations.

But what I cannot abide is that this particular building is full – and I mean, I am pretty sure that every tenant has one – of big dogs. Not fluffy Golden Retrievers or Old English Sheepdogs; I’m talking about big mastiffs, Dobermans, Rottweilers and hounds.

I don’t have a problem with dogs, big or small. But as a dog owner myself, I know how much money it costs to feed them, take care of them – even just basic maintenance – and the bigger they are, the more costly. So, it irks me that I’m working to pay for these people to NOT work, and to own big dogs who cost a fortune to maintain.

But the worst part about it is that these dogs bark at my aunt whenever she walks by and scare her. The owners laugh and almost taunt her by loosening the leads on the dogs. How can I get them to stop this unneighbourly and dangerous behaviour?

Frustrated Niece

If you don’t want to engage, you could simply get your aunt to walk in the other direction, if possible, or on the opposite side of the street, if possible. You could also walk past on your own one day and ask whoever is outside of the building with their dog if they could be mindful of your sweet, old auntie.

If that doesn’t work, you may have to go to the superintendent of the building and/or your local council person. In my opinion, it’s a fair complaint because someone’s health and well-being are in question.

 

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman unhappy that her gift didn’t receive a thank you (Nov. 25 and Dec. 15):

Reader #1 – “I am beginning to question if the initial letter writer may have elements of narcissism?  From my experience, narcissists get extremely upset when they do not get the recognition and gratitude they ‘think’ they deserve. This based on traditional upbringing of over half a century ago. Society is simply NOT the same today, so such expectations are now often outdated.”

Reader #2 – “How petty. My cleaning lady never thanks me for her cash gift. In all honesty, yes, it bugs me a little. But I would never insist she show her gratitude. I know her situation, I know she needs the money, and I know it helps her and her children.
“I am always shocked by the lack of compassion in our society. As far as I know, all religions have some verse in their holy books similar to the Christian ‘do unto others.’ I believe her response is due to the ‘me first’ attitude so prevalent in our society these days. Her thought process seems to be, ‘I DESERVE a thank you and if I don’t get what I want, I will punish you.’

“She should grow up and think of someone less fortunate than herself. Gifts should come with no strings attached, not even a thank you.”