I married young, had three kids almost immediately and loved being a stay-home-mom with my babies. But once the kids were in school, it was clear my marriage was done. We tried to make it work, but it wasn’t going to last.

We split and did our best to parent amicably throughout the teenage years. We had lots of issues with our kids. Dating was never on my mind.

My ex found someone quickly, remarried and are still together. She’s nice, and I’m happy for them. I’ve never found my person. The kids went off to uni, and all I had was my cat, my work and my friends.

All are great, but I’m often forgotten or excluded from group get-togethers because I’m single. Seems women don’t like “sharing” their husbands with me. My old high school buddies and I still get together, one on one, or a few of us, and the wives don’t join. That’s OK, for some reason. But they won’t invite me out with a few couples, even if it’s the same guys.

I’ve grown accustomed to it all, but why are married women like that? And when am I ever going to find my Mr. Right?

Still Solo

According to statistics Canada, 40 to 50 per cent of first marriages end in divorce, which means you’re not the only single woman out there. If couples don’t want you at their table, find a group of singles who do.

Then get out of your comfort zone and do something outside of your work and friends. The only way to meet new people is by going to new places and doing new things.

 

FEEDBACK Regarding the sister worried about her sibling’s relationship (Oct. 26):

Reader – “Define intelligent.  There’s “book smarts”, “street smarts” and “practical smarts.” Maybe the boyfriend is good at fixing or building things.

“Maybe he’s not up on current affairs but is able to solve a $300/hour plumbing issue. Look beneath the surface, you may actually be pleasantly surprised.”

 

I’m in my late 30’s; my younger brother is 35. We’ve always been very close. I studied sciences, and my brother chose the arts. I found a clerical job in my field, continued my studies and got more involved, better educated and rose up in my field. I am on my way to being a respected practitioner in my field.

My brother is still trying desperately to land on his feet. In all honesty, he’s not a great actor. He tries too hard, overacts and just doesn’t have that “IT” factor that you need to become a star.

He doesn’t make any money other than at his side gig as a waiter. And my parents are tired of bailing him out. We still hang out whenever we’re both free. But my mind wanders trying to figure out how not to shake him into reality.

How can I get through to him that he needs to find another career? That he’s never going to be a movie star. And that he needs to find a Plan B.

Not a thespian

Why do you care if your brother wants to continue with his dream? Why does it matter to you how much money he makes, or doesn’t make? I understand why your parents may be annoyed – but have they asked you to help out financially?

If so, OK, you have a position. If not, try being supportive instead of disappointed. I promise you that if your brother has been a starving artist for years, there’s no one more disappointed than he is for not making it big.

As his big brother, you could help him think about his career, look at the future and discuss his options. He needs your love and support, not your criticism.

FEEDBACK Regarding the estranged sisters (Oct. 27):

Reader – “Who cares if two sisters have grown apart? Why are family ties always cited as the reason to mend fences? Why bother mending these fences if the relationship between siblings is past its sell-by date?  Just because two people are siblings doesn’t mean they need to or have to get along and maintain relations “for family’s sake.”

“For many of us, our families are the worst thing in our lives and caused us endless heartache and needless aggravation. Reality is that many of us can’t escape our families fast enough. And we’re far and away better off without them. I’m with the alienated sister all the way. There’s probably a good reason why she’s put herself out of the picture. I’m sure she’s living a better life because she’s finally living her own life.”