In the last few years, my wife has had no interest in French kissing - kisses that really turn me on - and very little interest in making love. We're both in our late 40s, and have been married for 13 years.
When we're together sexually, maybe once a week, it's usually good. But I miss those hot, wet kisses we used to share.
She actually keeps her lips tightly pressed together and turns away after a half-second of brushing against my lips.
When I ask why, she gets mad at me and says, "I don't know."
This is very frustrating, and has become a huge obstacle in our relationship. I really don't want to find someone else to have fun with, but I can't stomach the thought of another 30 years without passion.
- KISSLESS IN THE BURBS
Passion isn't just defined by one partner; yet, you give the impression that only your definition of a turn-on is what's important and what's missing between you two.
Having "good sex" once a week - which is what you say is happening - shows there's still regular desire on your wife's part. So it's the frequency and intensity that's changed, and there may be many factors at play.
Her lifestyle, if work and children are involved, may have her feeling too tired or time-limited for those long kissing sessions. Hormone changes may also be playing havoc with her inner body temperature, causing her to be uncomfortable during heated foreplay. This latter is something she could discuss with her doctor, and she'd likely be more willing to do so if you showed interest and support regarding the early symptoms of menopause.
Try to enjoy the intimacy you do share and be less insistent on following a specific pattern. This change is likely a blip with real causes that can be adjusted, and should NOT be approached as a huge obstacle.
I'm in my mid-20s, in graduate school; I have some great work experience under my belt, and most importantly, a partner I want to spend my life with. My only problem is with friends.
I don't have any trouble meeting new people, or integrating into new groups. It's quite the opposite. I know loads of people, am seen as relatively popular, and most can't say a bad word about me.
The problem is that I don't tend to keep friends. I'll spend time with those I click with for awhile, but slowly but surely I seem to lose interest and move on to new ones. Evidently those acquaintances don't appreciate my disappearance but I on the other hand truly just get bored with people.
What's wrong with me?
- A friendly stranger
You're trying too hard, as if filling in boxes of categories in your life, rather than letting friendships develop naturally. Lucky you, to be happily fulfilled with a path of study, work experience and a partner!
Friendships are important, but in a busy life, the count of friends isn't important, it's the quality. Having only one close friend can be enough; or, it's a bonus to have a few, and some whose friendship you value for different reasons – e.g. a longtime pal may not be your intellectual sparring partner, but the most trusted; another friend may be a classmate with whom you can talk about your studies.
You'll be bored less easily if you stop expecting every new friend to fulfill all the roles.
My son, 22, lives at home and lost his job. Previously, he'd leased a $58,000 BMW (losing $13,000 on a trade-in), behind my back.
I'd helped him get a good credit history with a credit card in his name, always paid off monthly.
His father paid off the old car.
Now, he can't afford the BMW's monthly payments, and also has $4,000 credit card debt.
If his car is re-possessed, he'll ruin his credit for years.
I could pay off everything, but feel it's the wrong move.
- Worried Mom
Your son needs to develop financial responsibility; rescuing him again won't help. Suggest that he get credit counselling, and look into consolidating his debts so he can set up a re-payment schedule. It's also possible to sell a car lease, though likely with some loss - the dealership and/or the credit counsellor will know how to proceed.
Tip of the day:
Changes in sexual desire usually have a reason that needs exploring, rather than a threat of escape.