Maybe we need a separate Step-Parent Day.
Often, the step-parent is a very important part of children's lives, and they may want to celebrate that fact, but not want to detract from their "real" parent on those special days.
For those families who struggle, even if it's unofficial to the rest of the world, I say, start up a step-day in your own family.
Perhaps in July, after Mother's Day and Father's Day.
- Just a Thought
Dear Readers: As a proud Step-Mom myself, and married to a fully involved and committed Step-Dad, I was struck by this letter's open embrace of the reality in so many families.
Re-marriage and blended families are so common that we all need to help families and especially children, make the best of their new situations.
The idea of a special day - or even a week - has come up before this and some divorce-related web sites and greeting card-makers claim that Step-Mother's Day follows the weekend after Mother's Day, while Step-Father's Day follows the weekend after Father's Day or that the first week of June is Step-Parents' Week. But so far, there's no official designation.
Personally, I feel that if it becomes a push for buying more cards and gifts, the hype will just create more burden on children, and may even increase tension between hostile parents and step-parents.
Instead, step-children, from young to adults, need to know that it's not disloyal to acknowledge and celebrate loving step-parents. Choose any day you wish, and let the step-parents who've stood by, cared, supported and encouraged you, know how much you appreciate that they're in your life.
I’m a friend who’s always there for people (I’m a former distress line counsellor). I’m non-judgmental, an open listener. But I’m finding it hard not to judge a good friend of mine.
She’d split up from a six-year rocky relationship. Within a year, she’d moved in with someone she’d known three weeks. Five months later, she’d broken up and was living with my husband and me. Then, she moved back in with the first relationship and was dating a second guy on the side.
Her original boyfriend found out and tossed her out. She moved in with the guy on the side (who’d just left his wife) but when he discovered that she’d been living with her ex while they were dating, he freaked. But then he begged her forgiveness.
This new guy is not friendly and hasn’t gotten on well with her friends- we now see her rarely.
Only eight months later, she’s bought a house, gotten engaged and pregnant (planned). I find it impossible to be happy for her.
Your friend was in crisis – something an objective distress-line counsellor would’ve recognized, had you not been emotionally involved. Watching her bounce from guy to guy was surely upsetting, but this wasn’t about you.
She’s the one who was punishing herself for her own mistakes, and acting out of control.
Had a young teenage girl phoned to say she was sleeping with three different boys and cutting herself, you’d have recognized the alarm signals immediately.
If you have any regard for your past friendship with her, swallow your judgment and phone or email to congratulate her.
She’s settled with this guy and trying to stabilize her life with him. He’s likely unfriendly because he senses everyone’s judgment, and also had his own whirlwind experience with her, and probably feels insecure. They could use a sincere friend.
My fiance cheated on me a year ago. He's been deceitful on several occasions. He hasn't provided for me and his daughter as he should. In the last few months, he made a sudden change and asked me to elope. I said I needed time to see if this change was permanent. Now he's pressuring me to get married. Why is he suddenly in such a hurry?
Ask him directly, and, until you get a reasonable answer, don't consider an elopement or a rushed wedding. Some people do change, but he's given you every reason to doubt his sincerity. So you're wise to wait this out. But, recognize that you haven't been as wise about accepting his lack of responsibility, and his deceit. You owe it to yourself and your child to be sure this is intended for your good too, and not just a scheme for his benefit.
Tip of the day:
Loving step-parents should be celebrated.