I’ve been seeing this guy for six months. I’d actually dated him for three months last year, but I ended it because I didn't know what I was to the guy.

Now, I want to go away in January. He's said in passing that he’d go away but now that's it time to book, he won't commit. When I ask him, he doesn't even give me an answer.

So, my two questions: 1) does he not picture us in the long term, is that why he doesn't want to commit? 2) Should I just take no answer as my answer that he doesn't want to go anymore? And if so, what does that say about our relationship?

In the Dark

Look closer and you’ll see answers in bright light:

1) You originally tried to push him past his “casual dating expiry” date. After three months, he accepted you calling it off, and he’d given no clue where you stood.

2) He’s still not ready to commit to things that you’re rushing him to doing.

That first three-months episode was a clear sign… you weren’t sure about him, but you were ready for more if he’d indicated that he was. Instead, he let you go.

Now he feels the push…”going away” is a euphemism for being seriously involved. He’s clearly avoiding this.

The light’s shining on an obvious conclusion – I suspect you’re considered by him as “friends with benefits” rather than anything more.

Make your vacation plans without him. And don’t call him when you return.

I've been dating someone for three months whom I met unexpectedly - only three months after recovering from a very tough break-up that ended a two-year relationship.

I’m very attracted to the new person and greatly enjoy spending time with him. He’s smart, funny, and kind, and we have similarities in likes/dislikes and professional career paths.

However, he has a very different family and religious background from me. My family is close-knit and Catholic. His parents are unmarried and he’s an atheist. His last relationship was "open" and he did many things with her sexually that I wouldn’t consider.

I’m relatively conservative and would like to raise my children to have faith, similar to my own upbringing.
We've talked about all the issues concerning me and he seems convinced they’re not "deal-breakers" and we can work through them. I’ve been honest about what I’d want in the future and the compromises I would not be willing to make.

Still, I'm wary that this will end badly and I’d be better off with someone more similar to me. I don't want to stop seeing him because I’ve never been so happy before. However, I'm worried that I can't see the situation clearly because I've become attracted and attached to him.

Clouded by Attraction

You differ on some core issues that come into play when raising children together. If that’s part of your future hopes and plan, you’ll likely run into trouble with this union.

You can survive and surmount core differences if there are others on which you agree – e.g. honesty, loyalty, how you treat people – and if you remain loving and caring toward each other throughout. BUT, you both must compromise, without feeling you’re giving up your identities.

Many couples are the proof of opposites’ attractions and have very successful marriages…. but there’s your first test – is he willing to marry and raise children with faith, without feeling he’s “lost out” in that divide?

I'm 18, in a happy eight-month relationship. Recently, my ex-boyfriend returned to visit friends and we met with others for drinks.

We only dated for one month a year ago, but I really liked him. He explained that we didn't last because he left the state with his family.

We kissed. I stayed at his place for the night, with the others. My boyfriend doesn’t know this.

I like my ex again, and don't know what to do. He's flying me out to visit him at Christmas.

Confused Cheater in Chicago

Time to make a good decision for you, not for whatever one guy or another urges you to do.

If the excitement your ex offers long-distance is more appealing than your “happy” relationship, tell your current boyfriend and make a clean, honest break.

OR decide that “sometimes” is not what you want (Note: he apparently didn’t contact you for a year).