I'm a divorced man who became romantically involved with a married woman two years ago; we fell in love.
She wishes to stay married for her children's sake, has been honest about all else in her life, and she expected the same from me.
I kept a platonic friendship from her that she discovered, and she left me.
This isn't the first time it happened. There were other times when I wasn't honest, but I lied to have her think highly of me.
Ironically, I couldn't give her the one thing she needed: Honesty.
I've sought out counselling, and hopefully have learned and accepted what my actions have caused.
I miss her dearly; is this worth pursuing? I'd wait a lifetime for her.
- Lost Love
Forget about "waiting" for someone who's finished with you, and focus on the current reality.
Counselling has helped you see the consequences of lying, but dreaming of ways to pursue her may lead you back to trying to impress her in the wrong way.
She's married and wants to stay that way, so your affair was already based on deceptions on her side.
No doubt it was her own guilty feelings which made her use your lies as her reason to stop.
Leave her alone.
Use what you've learned to be real and honest about yourself when you meet someone else to whom you're attracted. And look for someone who's available, not someone who triggers your old pattern of day-dreaming and falsehoods.
After dating a man for four years, it ended two years ago.
I've moved on, by taking a part-time job recently and keeping myself busy.
Now, I've been invited to the wedding of a friend of my ex-boyfriend. He's one of the only guys my ex didn't get jealous of, when we were together.
I'm trying to decide if I should attend the wedding, even if it means my ex-boyfriend will be the best man standing at the alter next to the groom.
What do you and the readers think of this situation?
This decision should come from weighing two factors - how close you are to the people getting married; and how comfortable you are being in that situation with your ex. If this is a true friend whom you'd be insulting by staying away, then I strongly recommend that you go.
However, you speak of your ex's jealousy, and that often involves controlling behaviour. So, if you fear that the "alter" scene will cause him to pressure you to re-consider a bad relationship, you may need to apologize to your friends and stay away for self-protection.
One other option is to ask other friends who'll be present to stick close by and help keep your ex from bothering you. But if that's going to create a sideshow, forget it.
Dear Readers: Any other takes on this one?
I'm 30, with a small child who's a joy to have around.
I started dating a man when I was six-months pregnant. I met him while I was married (now divorced). He knew that there'd be a child in the picture but continued with our relationship.
But further into the relationship, I learned that he doesn't want any children or children of his own, and he had a vasectomy without telling me.
That's fine, I don't really want any more children, but why would someone enter into a relationship with someone who has a child if they don't want any?
He's trying hard to make things work, we do have a good relationship and he treats my son well, but there are times that are really trying.
I need advice to help make him see that it can even work through the difficult times. It's not always easy dealing with babies - they will cry and there's nothing you can do about that.
What can I do to make him overcome his issues?
- Mom Under Pressure
It's not your job to convince him.
He needs to accept that this relationship means he's involved with a baby's mother and therefore also involved by his very presence in raising your child. Or you're with the wrong man.
His undergoing a secret vasectomy already demonstrates that he's used to doing what he wants, without discussion.
I urge you not to try to make your baby son be the person in this triangle who has to learn to keep this guy around.
Tip of the day:
Secrets and lies will eventually create more trouble than the image you tried to invent.