I’m a young teen who’s never dated before.
My childhood friend and neighbour likes me and has tried to get me to go on a date with him, but I’ve yet to say that he'll only ever be my friend.
I had a dream that a guy transferred to my school and we fell in love. When I woke up, I drew pictures of him.
Several months later, I have a crush on this boy and I find that the description from my dream that I wrote down, fits him exactly.
He’s really shy, but opens up to people over time. He's learned to talk to me a little, but it's hard, as I’m a social but awkward person.
He's gotten comfortable with my small class, and talks to everyone now. One of the girls is good friends with everyone, including him. That makes me SHUDDER with jealousy.
Now, I'm hearing that my Best Friend Forever also likes him.
Worse, this guy’s become best friends with the boy that has a crush on me.
My parents told me to do nothing about it.
Your parents are wise and protective. They don’t want you to embarrass yourself by revealing your feelings to the shy guy who already has too many girls wanting his attention.
He likely feels pressured and awkward about so much interest in him.
You’re sensitive and thoughtful, realizing that you only want to be friends with your neighbour. So gently tell him that you just aren’t ready for more.
The important approach your parents are encouraging, is to do nothing based only on your imagination such as a dream, nor act from jealousy. Both will lead you to false expectations, and then hurtful disappointment.
Keep communicating with your parents whenever you’re uncomfortable and unsure.
We live with my husband’s parents in their basement, supposedly to save money to buy our own home.
But his father always has “ideas for making a fortune” and talks my husband into “investing” some of our savings… but nothing ever turns out as he describes.
We’re involved in small shares of two of his businesses in which my husband has to work nights and weekends beyond his day job.
I’m left alone with a mother-in-law who’s always got an opinion on whatever I wear or cook, or how I handle our baby. I love my husband and understand that it’s hard to deny his father, but we’re never getting ahead this way. Meanwhile, we’re hardly together and often fighting because of the strain.
You and your husband need a plan that takes you out of the basement into a more independent life as a couple.
The basic problem isn’t between you two; it’s his parents’ meddling into your lives and complicating it.
Living in their basement has turned out to be more costly in money and in stress than if you were renting elsewhere.
Tell him so. His parents have too much influence, and both take advantage – his father by using up both your money and time.
And his mother harasses you with constant criticism, knowing you can’t avoid her.
Don’t blame your husband; it’s a pressure cooker for him to live in too.
Talk about why you married and what you want for your life together.
Then find any way possible to move out – even if it’s a small place – and a way to end the requirement that he also work for his father, unless he’s well-paid for his time, and also given some time free.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman considering whether to leave her job and move for her boyfriend’s new job (May 22):
Reader – “I wonder if your answer would’ve been different if the girl was now looking out of area for job.”
Ellie – I’m surprised that anyone thinks they see a sexist bias in my answer.
The female writer says, “not being with him everyday will only hurt just as much as leaving my life behind.”
My answer says clearly that they both have to accommodate.
As in all major decisions couples face, they need to look at the options.
If his new job is better for a career start, but their hometown is better for raising a family, they could consider going away for a couple of years and returning when they’re looking for a home base.
I warn her NOT to move “only to please him,” as she’ll end up resenting him.
Tip of the day:
Don’t embarrass yourself by acting on a private crush.