I am a housewife. When my kids were younger, I was a “stay-at-home mom.”

But our oldest has been out of the house for several years, and our youngest leaves for college soon.

I did a good job. They're good kids.
My husband’s a military officer and makes enough to support us financially. He likes that I'm a housewife. I cook, clean, run errands, and volunteer.

He comes home from a hard day to a very clean house and a home-cooked meal. I guess we have a 1950's style marriage. We’re happy with our arrangement.
The problem is other people.

Acquaintances and strangers will ask "Do you work?" and when I say that I’m a housewife, they snidely reply, "Must be nice."
What do they think I'm doing all day – eating bonbons and watching soap operas? I'm lactose intolerant and we don't have cable, so, No. Plus, I'm pretty busy.

I'm tired of not being valued by society. Do you have any advice on a witty comeback to these people?

Annoyed

You’re pretty witty yourself. And fairly self-confident, though a boost of more would help you laugh off their comments.

Try this: “Yes, my family and I have all appreciated the time, work, and effort I’ve put in to caring for us in the way that suited us best.”

Sounds like you’re justifying, right?

Okay, try this instead: “There’s plenty of work in my role if it’s done with intent.”

Not so good either.

My point? You owe no explanations, and no zinger will satisfy as much as self-esteem.

Snide Jerk: “Must be nice.”

You: (smiling) “It’s my life.”

Change topic.

 

Our 19–year-old son is going through an unpleasant stage of criticizing our parenting, our life style, our house rules, family values, and just about anything else.

He claims that other, more normal families don't interact like we do.

We’ve found that defending our position just escalates into heated arguments. But if we ignore him, his rants quickly fizzle.

He’s from a very loving family and we recognize that he’s trying to assert his independence, especially after being away at university for a year.

We don't want to spend our time together arguing, but also don't want to condone disrespect and rudeness.

He seems to love other aspects of being at home (food in the fridge, access to a car, etc.).

Feeling Used and Abused.

Sit down with him and listen.

No, I’m not saying he’s right or that you need to change your home, life-style, etc.

But parenting is never static; it’s a long process of handling phases and changes in children. Meanwhile, parents also undergo some changes too.

So tell him you don’t accept disrespect and you don’t give it either. You’re willing to hear him out, once. And willing to discuss some things with him, maybe even adjust some others.

However, be clear: This is your home, your life style. When he lives on his own, he’ll create his own environment as he chooses.

But be open to those things which actually can be adjusted e.g. a house rule that affects him directly.

That said, if there are some rules you feel strongly cannot change (such as not allowing a girlfriend to sleep over in his room with him), say why.

Acknowledge that you understand his view on this (or whatever rule he criticizes) and know he may be living differently at school, but there are certain principles that you’re not changing in your own home.

My common-law husband of 17 years is a great guy but doesn't acknowledge our anniversaries.

I see others celebrate with gifts and special times. I feel hurt and not special.

Shouldn't the continuation of our love and commitment be increasingly special and celebrated memorably?

I cherish that we’re still together.

I’ve mentioned this previously and feel guilty for wanting the years acknowledged. I know I could initiate something but it wouldn't be the same.

Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Nothing special 

You’re making a big deal when you could be planning instead. A surprise party, tickets for a concert, a getaway weekend trip… anything that makes you both feel special at being together.

Having a great guy whom you cherish IS special. Your sensitivity about this one disappointment may be related to other things in the relationship or in yourself. If so, talk to him about these feelings, instead of focusing only on anniversaries.