I’m very close to my step-cousin, though I don’t see her often. She's 18, but has always been "young”; I'm 14, but have always been mature.

Over recent years, she's been confiding her diagnosed depression, self-harming, eating disorder, and more. The only thing that stopped me from telling an adult was that she claimed she was getting help from counsellors and teachers.

I later learned she wasn't telling them everything.

I said that if she didn't tell her stepmom (a good relationship) about her self-harming, I’d tell my mom because I care about her.

Lately, she's said it's getting worse.

She's started smoking from stress, saying she "won't try any other drug." She previously put a limit on self-harming but later reported cutting her thighs.

Now she’s told me she has “a few” plans to kill herself.

Yet she insists she's "fine, found ways to cope on her own.” I know from a different friend who attempted suicide that fine doesn't mean fine.

I need to tell someone about this, because I'm scared and worried.

She's moving away to college, where she’ll know nobody other than one relative whom she's staying with.
I've told someone before (against her wishes), and now she trusts me less. Is there a professional I can talk to about how to deal with this?

Cousin’s Crisis

Tell her mother, and your mother, too, so she’ll confirm the worrisome information you already have.

Yes, you’re mature, but you cannot carry this on your own. Someone in authority needs to act immediately on her behalf, by connecting her to a suicide-prevention specialist who’s experienced with the signals, as well as the excuses, which desperately unhappy people use.

You’ve been a great friend/support to her, but now you must recognize the limits of your access to getting her crucial help at this time.

If for any reason your mother and her mother don’t take you seriously, call a suicide prevention help line yourself and pass on the information.

Recently, I threw a summer party for my co-workers. After the boss had left, in front of everyone, one co-worker gave a loud, drunken, angry rant about her hating the boss… including swearing and defamatory remarks.

My husband told me she’d also tried to bash my boss with him, privately.

He declined to participate, knowing that I love my job.
Do I forget about what was said, or speak with my co-worker or my boss about the incident?

Shocked Hostess

The woman’s a bad drinker as well as a disgruntled employee.

It’s not your responsibility to bring her behaviour to your boss’ attention, unless she works in an area involving others’ safety, or where indiscretion can be damaging to the company.

Speak to her about her behaviour - for her sake and for yours, too, since if anyone does tell the boss, you want no connection to your own feelings just because it was your party.

Speak straightforwardly, not in a threatening way. Something like, “Venting negative feelings about the boss to so many people who work with him, made me uncomfortable for you.

“I’m very happy working here, so also regretted that you chose to do this in my home.”

You’d be doing the humanitarian thing if you added, something about excess drinking loosening her lips more than she may want when sober.

She’s unlikely to thank you or be very friendly after this conversation, but you’re better off anyway, to be distanced from her at work.

My fiancé (two years together) and I are late-50's. But his poor hygiene’s preventing my saying "I do."

He rarely brushes his teeth, and only for 30 seconds before sleep. He eats and chews gum all day.

He also "picks" and "eats" his nose. It’s making me nauseous. I passed him tissues, placed a box beside him, but no change.

Our love life has dwindled. I can't see beyond his disgusting habit and bad breath.

I love him but either this stops or there’s no wedding.

Helpless

Neither of you are “helpless.” He CAN change such habits, voluntarily or with behaviour therapy.

Speak up and say that his persistent unhygienic habits disgust you, his breath’s foul, and you can’t stand having sex with him, due to these reasons.

If he resists change, you’re free, and justified to end the relationship. Why would you stay when you’re so uncomfortable and turned off?