When I first came to the city at 27, I got a part-time job as the personal assistant to an entrepreneur. He was single and 38.
I got to know him and was attracted to him. I returned to the city for the entire summer, got to know him better and liked him even more. I moved here full-time the next year and discovered that there was mutual attraction.
I was content knowing my feelings weren’t one-sided and enjoyed every minute we spent together. But he started to have some business trouble and abruptly moved across the country.
I missed him so much and realized I loved him as the person with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I just assumed I’d see him again in person but I didn’t express that to him.
He kept in touch for a year before the communication dwindled down. I now haven’t heard from him in four years. I get that if he wanted to be in touch, he’d do so.
My issue is that I’ve tried but been unable to forget him.
It seems ridiculous to miss someone I haven’t seen in almost six years. Of course, I’ve dated since then, but nothing’s clicked the way it did with him.
How am I to get over this guy fully, since I’ve sincerely tried. What am I missing?
I’m very content with my life, proud of my accomplishments and truly happy. This is just the one thing that brings a tear to my heart from time to time.
This story reflects one of the reasons why the Internet has changed our lives. Do an online search and find out some simple facts that matter here: Is he married? Does he have children?
If Yes, then any outreach to him that mentions feelings of love is going too far - for you, him, his spouse and family.
You’ve held back these past four years from asking how things were going for him. Now, content with your life and “truly happy,” there are risks, including causing a rift in his personal life that can cause him to resent you.
Even a simple email “hello” can upset a spouse and cause suspicions and doubts.
If, however, your search reveals that he’s still single or divorced, you could take the chance. Keep it light and well-wishing, saying that you occasionally think of him. If he has similar interest, you’ll hear back.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the woman whose husband seems to care little for her company (May 4):
“As a life-long single person, middle-aged, some ideas for the woman:
“- If you don’t already have one, adopt a happy, easy, grateful dog. Go walking. Buy it nice things. Meet new friends at the dog park. Cats are nice, too.
“- Take yourself places. Go out for a coffee with a book. Get take-away food, and park yourself on a bench in a safe, scenic spot. With your dog.
“ - If he’s taking your labour for granted, stop laundering/cooking for two. Clean half as much.
“ - Get a lawyer. Get a nice apartment in a seniors’-oriented neighbourhood or building. Take care of yourself. You did the work. Now live the peace.
“So many people live alone and enjoy it. We live for ourselves and don’t fear or mourn the loss of income, prestige or social standing as a couple.
“Your home shouldn’t be a lonely prison.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the retired couple wherein the husband goes his own way and the woman feels hurt and lonely (May 4):
Reader – “This guy could very well have been me because, throughout ALL of my marriage, my wife would never consider my opinion. She always “knew” things, despite that through my education and training I knew she was totally wrong. So, I started to shut her out for my own sanity.
“Then five years ago, my employment was terminated. She then wanted to know why we weren’t fixing up the house since I had time. But she didn’t understand that we hadn’t any income.
“Her comments started to get worse even though she denied saying them. She simply didn’t know what she was saying or how she was hurting me and pushing me away.
“So, today, I’m nearing the end of divorce proceedings and feel totally free.”
Ellie - Sad. A mutually unhappy relationship that was maintained for too long.
Tip of the day:
Inquire through an online search whether contacting a long-past love interest can cause relationship problems for him/her.