My husband's brother, with his wife and son, came here for a vacation two winters ago. I lent the wife my scarf. When they went home, I emailed her about my scarf. No reply.

Now they’re returning soon, and I emailed her again regarding my scarf. I’ve also politely requested her to bring some of our stuff that we’d left there. Again, no reply.

All my emails were sent to my brother-in-law whose email address is actively being used (he’d emailed my husband to pick them up from the airport, which he’ll do).
We attend to them very well when they’re here. On several outings, they never volunteered to pay for our meals.

I come from a country where the host is expected to treat the guests. However, when guests stay for a longer period, I think they should also contribute their share of the expenses. I think not doing so is taking advantage of the host.
Also my brother-in-law is so haughty. He bragged that they spent so much travelling here. He commented that our TV is already old (purchased only a few months prior).

When they return, should we confront them regarding their behaviour, or just talk to their daughter?
Should I email again? Should my husband still pick them up from the airport? Their daughter is also picking them up (but they need a second vehicle for baggage).

Annoyed In-law

Consider your scarf gone. It’s been worn for two years, already.

More important, consider your feelings and the whole concept of these visits. Then, talk to your husband about it.

There are seemingly small annoyances here, but larger resentments. These people presumably visit to maintain a family connection. Has staying with their daughter been considered, or is staying with you the only alternative?

Their travel costs were mentioned, so be open too – when outings are discussed, state which ones are expensive and need to be shared. You’re already hosting their accommodation and home meals, so it’s fair to raise this for restaurants and events.

Beyond these relatively small matters, think through what this family connection is about. You’ve visited them; they visit you.

My husband suffers from a debilitating skin condition that causes him a lot of pain and sleepless nights. His dermatologist has prescribed creams and antihistamines that treat inflammation, but create other symptoms like hives.

Last year, he found that drinking liquor, along with taking the antihistamine before sleep, helped him sleep faster and longer.

He’s since been drinking several glasses of hard liquor nightly. We’re both concerned that it's becoming a habit.

His doctor says there’s no cure for his skin condition… almost condoning developing alcohol dependency. We’ve sought second opinions with no satisfactory answers, either.

Should we just accept that he’ll become alcohol dependent? We're also concerned that if he enters a program like Alcoholics Anonymous he’ll be unable to ever drink again, which we don't think is the answer either.

Worrisome Habit

Incessant pain and sleeplessness are all consuming, but alcohol dependency takes its own toll on health, including liver disease.

Get referral to a pain specialist. There are pain management clinics that deal with many conditions and causes.

Also, some alternative medicine approaches may work, such as acupuncture. And medical marijuana, which requires a doctor’s prescription for dosage, and also has some side effects to consider.

Don’t give up the search, despite frustration. His alcohol consumption should be lowered as soon as possible.

I’m a woman, 44, who left home at 19 to pursue an education.

When I visited last year, my mother said that I couldn’t drive, cook, or bake. Yet, I've never had an accident and when I cook and bake, I’ve never had a complaint.

On my birthday, I called my mother, who asked, was it "to see how many happy birthdays you can get?"
I’m close to writing them all off. They always expect me to call them. They live halfway across the country and always ask when I’m coming back home.

I’ve decided to never return. I feel like an outsider there.

Should I tell them I’m no longer going to be their "punching bag," or give them another chance?

Not Homesick

I suspect they’ve always felt left behind, and, not having the opportunities that you’ve seized, express it in this judgmental way.

Try to brush it off, by understanding them, and knowing how satisfying your life is.