You published a letter from me in July 2009 regarding an affair between my husband and his subordinate. I wasn't sure what to do and now he's had another affair. I said we needed to separate, and he moved out in March.

He hasn't contacted me AT ALL. I do the contacting.

I got an attorney but haven't signed the separation papers yet.

For several months prior to my discovering this second affair, he was pulling away emotionally. First, it was sexually, claiming an injury. Then, when out together, he kept his hands in his pockets to prevent me holding one.

It made me look for evidence of cheating, and so I found it. If he wanted out of the relationship that bad, why didn't he pursue a divorce? Are we both passive aggressive?

Messed Up Life

He was escaping, and you were in denial. That's not passive aggressive, but they're both coping methods that don't work long-term.

Many people fear disrupting their daily lives so they do all kinds of other things to "escape" - from workaholic behaviour to cheating. The partner often doesn't want to face the truth. You have wisely started taking your future into your own hands, rather than his.

Two years ago we got a new neighbour. He knocked loudly, requesting help with lifting his motorcycle. We said my father was at work, so he left.

But he soon became territorial. He'd park his car (with his drive-way empty) on the road blocking a portion of our driveway, and he told my dad to move his car back (we have one car on the road, the rest in the driveway).

We complied, he moved his car further back, and wrote a threatening note telling my dad to move his car back more. My dad called the police. Right after, the two cars by his house had the tires punctured. Again we reported it.

Things worsened. My dad was outside one evening with my younger brother, when the neighbour came outside holding a rifle. He saw my dad, glared, and went inside. My dad reported that.

Two neighbourhood stray kittens' necks were broken, and placed on the pathway between our house and his house (our side). We informed the police of this, too.

They suggested "talking things out" at the police station. Our neighbour arrived ahead of time. When Dad tried to tell his side, he interrupted. The police told my dad to deal with it.

He verbally threatened to kill Dad, and other neighbours heard it. My brother and I witnessed him kicking in our fence in our back yard.

We're terrified of him. He's explosive and angry. We don't even go outside in our own yard anymore due to the abuse, and the police never act despite our reports. What do we do?

Terrorized

Hire a lawyer. Also, detail every incident and try to get other neighbours to document what they've seen and heard, either involving them or your family.

The lawyer may also want to hire a private detective to find out more about this guy... he may have a history of neighbour harassment, that'll help your case to get police to act.

However, if he's that scary and there's nothing he can be charged with that doesn't end the abuse, your family may even consider moving away.

I'm hoping some readers let us know how they've handled scary-neighbour experiences.

I'm female, 25, married. My best friend's male, 32. He, my husband, and I have been inseparable. Recently, his girlfriend (of three weeks) moved in with him!

She doesn't like that he and I kiss and hug as friends, and text frequently. So I've stopped, but she's continually fighting with him about me.

Though the three of us explain our relationship, she doesn't get it.

I told my friend we should cool it till he works things out, but he was so hurt and feels I'm not there for him.

What To Do?

Stay cool, and explain that this IS being there for him, by supporting his choice. He's moved too fast with this girl and their relationship is going to have serious bumps before it settles or, more likely, ends. You're trying to help, rather than hinder. His hurt feelings are really about his insecurity for having made this rash move.