Over 14 years, I’ve found porn movies that he says he’ll toss then they reappear. He’s repeatedly checking out porn websites, though saying he’ll stop. I also found a note with women's names, phone numbers and prices. He admitted checking prices but said he didn't go any further.    
      On his new cellphone, he has a privacy code so I can't check it. I’ve lost trust. He doesn't want to get married. He has no children. I have grown kids and feel disgusted that these girls are someone else's children.    
      Am I invading his privacy?
      - Insecure

He’s looking for more sexual stimulation than he’s getting in your relationship. You two should’ve long ago discussed what he really wanted: Is it more sexual variety together, OR more variety of partners?     
      And have you shown willingness to spice up activities in the bedroom?    
      However, if your sexual relationship hasn’t been a problem, then it’s your guy who’s simply wrong for you.
      There’s no willingness to change behaviours that upset you. One of you has to be less inflexible about your issues … or YOU have to move on.

Last year, when my mother had cancer operations, I repeatedly travelled to stay with her while my older and younger sisters gave excuses for their absence.      
      When I left, I let my dog stay with her for a while. Meantime my younger sister moved in and insisted mom couldn’t give up my dog. I bought mom a dishwasher and a new cook top to make her life easier.    
      When mother and my sister went on vacation, I said I’d come and look after the dog … but took it back with me. I later explained to mother I’d retrieved my dog because I couldn’t quit my job and move there, and, also, she was now feeling better.     
      My younger sister exploded because the dog was gone.  My older sister phoned to say I had no character or integrity and hung up on me. Since then she sold mother’s house.     
      My younger sister was given money to buy a place, and mother paid me back for the dishwasher and cook top as my “inheritance.”       
      My older sister emailed relatives encouraging them to banish me from the family. Her son (my close nephew) is getting married. Mother said that I’d be invited; I said I’d book a hotel.    
      She said I didn’t have to do that if I “take responsibility for leaving my house with your dog without asking us and apologize to your sisters.”     
      I’ve apologized to mother repeatedly this year. I actually feel better not being involved with my manipulating sisters. Should I stay at a hotel, or should I do what mother wants and apologize to my sisters?
      - Torn

Your sisters have ganged up against you for years and they’re such experts at it. But that doesn’t excuse the underhanded way you took back your dog.    
      But somehow, the sibling dysfunction among you three sisters has made you the one who behaves defensively, always charting the things you’ve done “right” and the things they’ve done “wrong.” (Evidence: Your much longer letter).    
      Little wonder you’re relieved to be sibling-free! But can you live with your mother’s disapproval? It seems she likes to stir up the middle, just to stay involved.    
      Attending the wedding without apologizing means your sisters won’t let their anger go. That might be good for your mental health … for a while.    
      But if you can’t hack your mother’s negative attitude, apologize; then get counselling to understand why this is how your family operates.

My boyfriend of one year never talked to me about anything, but everyone else - his friends, colleagues, parents - knew everything about us. I also caught him in lies.     
      Finally, he humiliated me. After the breakup I tried to be friends; he became even more mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive. I parted ways because I was hurt and scared.     
      We recently started communicating again. I raised issues so we could proceed as friends, but caught him in more lies. He keeps shutting me out. Is there anything else I can do? I feel he's still harbouring secrets.
      - Struggling

The “friendship” isn’t happening. Nor should it. This guy never had a relationship of trust and true intimacy with you. So there’s no reason to expect it now.    
      You’re only pursuing a re-connection to satisfy your wounded pride. But he doesn’t care about that. Get support from your real friends.