We married three months ago and my wife began working at a steel mill; after only two weeks, she began receiving calls and text messages from guys at work. 

She had a lock on her phone, which neither of us had before. She says they’re “friends” but I don’t think it’s appropriate for male friends to call her at midnight and later.

She also said she was too tired to drive and would sleep on the side of the road, though her job’s 10 minutes away.

Once, when she said she was working two hours later, after another 45 minutes I went looking for her asleep, only to find her in the parking lot with a bunch of intoxicated guys.

I asked her nicely to unlock her phone or stop talking to those guys after work. She refused both, saying she wasn’t “my prisoner.”

I’m worried that she might end up cheating on me if I let this continue.

- Worried

Set her free, if she continues to behave in this insensitive and disrespectful way. 

She’s mostly flirting with danger – whether through eventually cheating or ending up being treated roughly by one of these guys.

Her message to them is that she’s looking for fun, and someone may have a different idea of fun from hers.

It’s also evident to them she’s in no hurry to get home to her husband.

The phone lock, the late night calls, and her lies about working late or falling asleep, all add up to her not being ready for the commitment of marriage. Tell her so, and be firm that you don’t want her as a prisoner, but as a partner.

If that’s not her deal, then leave her to her “friends.” Parting now will be a lot less hurtful than waiting for a crisis to force the break.

We’ve been together for 27 years, with three children and are a generally happy couple; however, I’m budget-conscious, he’s careless. 

We’ve had seven big blowouts concerning money, one a result of his hidden gambling addiction, which cost our family $45,000.

After counselling, he stopped gambling, but he expects me to take care of all the finances and shows no interest in hearing what we can’t afford, or keeping track of his spending.

Recently, he promised (again) to control his spending, but it’s been his worst month.

Why does he do this repeatedly, when he knows that it’s a deal-breaker for me?

And why do I continually stick around for the frustration, knowing that the situation will never change and there’s nothing I can do about it?

- Frustrated

You stick around because of his other good qualities; he remains careless financially, because he knows you’ll stick around. That’s the cycle you have to break. 

Option #1) Insist that his going back to counselling for his spending addiction, is a condition of your staying with him.

Show him the financial figures of what separating would mean – the splitting of assets, joint responsibility for any child education costs, potential spousal support.

Most important, he wouldn’t have you to clean up after his excesses (and hiring himself a good accountant or financial planner to do it, would only increase his costs).

Option #2) Look at all these factors yourself. If you can find another way to live together peacefully – e.g. separate your incomes and leave him responsible for all his own bills – it might improve the situation without blowouts and threats.

I’m 23, and in 2006 I eloped with my then-boyfriend of one year, (he’s 26). 

I haven’t told my family yet, due to their judging against marriage; most of the women relatives had failed unions.

My husband told his family because they’re liberal and only care that we’re happy.

I want to start introducing him as my husband, but I don’t know how without dealing with the criticism.

- Unknown Wife

Deal with the reaction with confidence, immediately, or you’ll be shadowed by your family’s judgments for years. 

Speak as a proud, happy wife, with your partner by your side, or your life together will be under scrutiny, and the criticism will continue.

Envy may also rear its head in the form of backbiting and gossip. State that you won’t stand for nay-sayers spoiling your happiness – if they express negative views, walk away.

Hopefully, they’ll eventually be happy for you.