My husband’s an airline pilot. I trust him, even when he's on layovers, at hotels, and working with female flight attendants.

However, it recently came up in conversation that it’s fairly routine at the end of flights or layovers for the flight attendants to hug the pilots good-bye.

He didn't think he was hiding anything from me even though this has apparently happened to him personally, "over 100 times."

I'm not jealous, but I’m angry that he didn't mention this practice before, and more so because I think it’s incredibly unprofessional for male/female co-workers to hug.

He says he has no choice and it’d be rude to decline. I say he could stand or use body language in such a way that’d deter it.

He became angry with me when I said he was inappropriate and unprofessional, and now it’s turned into a big deal. What do you think? Are these hugs appropriate between coworkers?

Pilot's Wife, Toronto

The more important question is, “Why are you so upset?” He’s given no indication of cheating, and you do trust him. He didn’t mention it before because it was meaningless to him. Now you’re turning itinto an insulting putdown of his professionalism, making you look jealous when you insist you’re not.

All you needed to ask– “Is there a way to keep it from being misinterpreted?” That would’ve shown respect that he can think about it for himself.

Airline flights are stressful. Besides the demanding schedules, various mechanical concerns, occasionally difficult passengers, there’s always that unspoken element of being in a situation that can go hideously wrong. The “hug” – and it comes from both male and female attendants – is a signal of respect for the pilot’s skill, and relief that the flight ended safely.

You should hug him close for those same reasons.

FEEDBACK Regarding the wife no longer interested in sex and not discussing it (April 9):

Reader #1 – “A long period of no sex in a marriage leaves someone very vulnerable to an affair if the “right situation” comes along. I know. I was the other woman, older too, single, who, after years of being alone offered just that interest and appreciation, and yes, excitement, that a man like that craved.

“What are these women thinking when withdrawing sex? With online connecting to new and former partners so easy and seemingly “safe,” the opportunities to slide into more than you bargained for have never been greater.

“I’m not blaming the woman or pretending to be blameless myself, but the lack of communication between a couple about sex has to be remedied.

“It only takes one person who has vulnerability. I know how easy it is to delude yourself when chemistry’s thrown in and you think nothing bad can happen. But a lot of people do get hurt.

“My dear married Sisters: wake up to what you have. To my fellow single Sisters: never let yourself be used to improve someone else's marriage. We deserve better.”

Reader #2 – “Many women enjoy being sexual. Whatever their age. Many women like giving and receiving pleasure. Alas, it’s so much more difficult for "older" women to find partners.”

Reader #3 – “I’m 51, and after getting married and having two kids, my wife no longer has any interest in sex. It’s a common theme with all my male friends. In fact, as long as my wife has enough money, all she needs me for is doing the work around the house.”

Reader #4 – “Ellie, when you tell older men that many mature women are sexually active, they become resentful of their relationships, thinking something’s wrong with them. It suggests it’s their fault for settling and not divorcing for a more satisfying sex life. Wrong.

“Someday, women will realize that the world doesn’t revolve around their needs. Until then, sexually frustrated mature men will have to endure the mindless monogamy that’s demanded of them from their dried-up old hags. Women will continue thinking their men are callous pigs who only care about sex, while ignoring the self-affirmations men derive from intimacy.

“The reality is that women lose sex drive as they age.”

Ellie – Ouch! “Hags” says it all, about this attitude. When you wake up to the 21^st century, you’ll find many “mature” women know how to deal with aging, even sexually. Sorry for your situation, but there are other reasons than aging, for no intimacy.