My parents divorced, I stayed with my mom and step-dad but moved to live with my father in this country, as a teenager. He controlled my every move. I love him but I can’t communicate with him. He’s an authoritarian, critical, self-made man.
I’m now early-20s, rent my own place, am independent and open-minded. He’d prefer that I do as he says in every aspect of life; he’s never satisfied with me, though I don’t do drugs, drink only socially, have an education and work hard.  
He also tells sexist and racist jokes. When I protest, he explodes into anger. He drinks a lot and isn’t happily married though he won’t consider any change. How do I handle this?
- Frustrated

You can’t easily move a brick wall … but you can get closer to it. It’s clear that your father’s unlikely to change. However, your youth and openness make room for allowances for this man’s set ways.
Instead of disagreeing with his judgments of you, change the subject and ask about him - how he made his way on his own, what he liked to do when young and single, how different this country is from his own in the past.
You both missed those years of bonding when you were growing up, and despite any initial resistance, he’s bound to appreciate your interest. Also, try to find something in common, e.g. a form of music, a type of literature, a physical sport to watch or play, even a television program you both enjoy – so you can get together around something to talk about.
When he tells inappropriate jokes, change the subject. In time, as he relaxes with you, he’ll hopefully get the message.

I love my boyfriend of two years (on and off) and we’ve successfully worked through a lot of our issues. He seems to battle with depression; worse, it manifests mostly around me.
He says I bring it out of him – he’s been single and a loner most of his life (he works from home), and wouldn’t have to deal with being depressed if he weren’t with me because he’d be by himself. It’s taking a big toll on me.
He also doesn’t put much effort into our relationship, doesn’t court me, doesn’t do much to please me. We don’t go to parties together, don’t go on dates – hang out mostly by ourselves in my apartment.
I don’t know how to deal with this. Am I really making him unhappy? If so, why doesn’t he break up with me? He says it’s not the solution he is looking for. Should I keep trying? At 32, I want a fulfilling relationship in which the balance of times is mostly positive.
- Stumped

Ask yourself three hard questions: 1) What do you love about him besides the familiarity of your relationship? 2) How long can you accept being “blamed” for his depression, while he does nothing to handle it? 3) How much of this go-nowhere, do-nothing “togetherness” can you take before you end it, anyway?
If the bottom line is, “I still love him,” then get pro-active to help him and yourself. Insist that to continue as a couple, he MUST stop making excuses, see a doctor about his depression, and follow a treatment plan.
Also, you two MUST have a weekly date night together – anything out, even walking and sometimes a social night (not only a movie). Otherwise, I predict you’ll end up running away from this man and his locked-in problems.

I met my close friend while I was in my previous relationship. I now feel attracted to him but confused. We talk everyday and do many favours for each other.
Our conversations are about people we’re dating - when he’s happy with someone else, I’m happy. Yet we’re both giving negative judgments on whomever the other’s seeing.
How can I determine if it’s truly platonic? He’s regularly in my dreams (sometimes sexual). He’s attempted to date several of my female friends (who feel weird about it); he has real commitment issues and complains about girls who act needy with him.
- Uncertain

If you can’t open a line of thought with this guy, you’re not as in sync as you may wish. Next chat, ask him if he thinks he’d be a better date for you than the guy he’s diss-ing. His response should help you know whether it’s just platonic between you.