I hate my job but can’t leave yet. Meanwhile, my partner of three years recently started a new job. She talks about her great rapport there with one guy.

After my bad day at work, needing reassurance, she was Facebooking for hours with him, uninterested in me.

I found her Facebook open. Much of their conversation was flirty.

She referred to him as her “work boyfriend.” She’d said my work had upset me so she was ignoring me.

When I later went to drive her home from work, no sign of her, no phone response. I texted “you must be with your work boyfriend.”

She assured me they’re just friends.

She was up the following night talking to him again. I warned her, for our sake, that things could escalate and become more serious. Again, she reassured me.

When I picked her up from her friend’s birthday party, she was smashed and on her phone again.

She left it in the car. All their messages were very flirty – e.g. “can’t wait to pinch your bum tomorrow.” I stormed upstairs and told her to get out of my house. She begged me to take her back, apologized; it was just a drunken mistake. I love her so I’ve given her another chance.

We’ve now found the perfect house to buy together. If we delay, we may lose this house. Yet I need time to heal and work on our relationship.

Shell-shocked

There’ll always be other houses. But there’s no better time to explore what happened.

Your hurt and distrust may fester despite the house buying, unless the issues are resolved.

It isn’t all about her workplace flirtation. You’ve been miserable at work and bringing that home. She’s over-compensated with fun and flirtation. As you wisely realized, it was already escalating.

You both need to learn how to get through stress, without turning to someone else.

Joint home ownership is a huge financial tie. It’s a perfect time for getting couples’ counselling.

I’m 41, with three children, between ages eight to 14. I was molested by my grandfather, and raped at ten. It then happened weekly for six years.

I kept this secret from anyone outside the family. However, after my daughter’s birth, my past was triggered and I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I’m in trauma therapy.

My family’s lack of support and cover-up was a huge part of my condition. I started a blog to share my story and help others who feel alone with this subject.

I’d witnessed my late-grandfather molesting two other girls in church. He was a respected church elder.

I’m finally not afraid of others hearing the truth. Should I leave this alone or should I continue to share? I’m concerned with the backlash and others being affected by the news that this community “pillar” was a pedophile.

I’m concerned, too, about the effect on others who were abused by him.

Unafraid of Truths

Discuss this with your therapist, who knows how strong or vulnerable you are to face the reactions. Your blog would likely be very meaningful to other victims of abuse and family cover-ups. But consider vetting it with the therapist to assure you don’t trigger worse PTSD symptoms in yourself.

Most important is that you retain the energy and confidence to share, and learn in which in places and ways your story can do the most good.

Hopefully, the therapist can also assess from her experience with other abused and/or PTSD clients what others would benefit from hearing in your story.

My husband and I, early 50’s, are both married for the second time. I have married children and grandchildren; he has no family.

He might be jealous because he’s alone in the world, but makes me feel miserable whenever I go to look after my grandchildren.

He says my kids take advantage of me. I don’t know how to handle this situation.

We’re both recovering alcoholics of ten years. I love him.

Children Between Us

You’ve created a team, helping each other. Now make him important to your grandchildren, so he too, can enjoy their company, instead of feeling they take your time from him.

Encourage him to use his skills with the kids – whether telling stories, tossing a ball around, drawing, whatever.

When you babysit, find some entertainment you all can enjoy. There are excellent family movies available, challenging skill games, etc.

As the children start asking for his presence, he will have family.