My fiancé refuses to tell me anything about his financial situation. When I try to talk about it he gets upsets and we fight. Eventually we want to buy a house. What if he owes a lot of money? I'll never know.

Stonewalled

Break the engagement. There's more to this than how much money he has or owes:

1) He's a controller - by withholding information that's crucial to any kind of partnership, especially one in which sharing expenses will be a constant element. No businessperson would sign a contract with someone who doesn't disclose his or her financial status. Nor should you enter into a marriage contract with him.

2) He doesn't show respect or trust in you.

3) There IS the serious concern about whether he has debt, can afford a share of a house or any other aspects of the lifestyle you think you'll have.

I've read your push for families that have become distant, to reconnect. Are there no times when this isn't feasible?

My grandparents raised me in an abusive home. I had siblings but I took the brunt of the beatings and verbal abuse and was treated badly by my grandmother's children and one of my siblings. There was also sexual abuse from my grandfather.

I left home at 16, married at 21 and had three children by 25. I was determined to be the best mother I could be. I was also confused about my obligations to my family who weren't all complete monsters. I brought my children for a visit when my oldest was three. But never again, when I realized she understood their conversation and what they said to her. I saw they'd be treated just as I'd been, simply because they were mine.

They're now adults of whom I'm very proud. At my grandmother's funeral, which I attended, a relative asked if I regretted staying away with my children.

I don't have regrets over that, Ellie. Some families are too unaware or accepting of their toxicity to make any corrections. I missed some aspects of being with family but I spared my children from their abuse.

Respectful Opinion

I respect your decision. I do urge family members to try to get past some of the corrosive issues of the past.... and you did, courageously, only to be met with the same ugly attitudes. So you responsibly protected your children.

While I believe in the attempt at repairing family relationships, especially if a person's life is shadowed by feelings of loss, I also know that there's a no-go zone with truly toxic people. You couldn't be the mother and person you wanted to be, if you'd wasted your energy and depleted your self-image by re-entering that destructive scene.

My wife died 10 years ago, at 44. I went back to school, found a new career, but haven't dated. I've put on weight and try to be active but prefer being at home. I'm 55 and afraid I'll spend the rest of my life alone.

Stuck

Look after you, first, and then you'll gain the energy and enthusiasm for potential dates. You're verging on depression; so get to your doctor for a thorough check-up and any therapy he advises.

Join a walking group - it takes you outdoors and encourages you to commit to showing up. Try a gym class. Talk to people, and be open to new friendships. And tell old friends you want to socialize with them. Dating will come.

FEEDBACK Regarding question (June 28 column), "Where do Step-parents fit?" at children's weddings:

Reader - "My parents divorced when I was five, my father moved to another country when I was ten. Both parents remarried and my stepfather became a huge part of my life since I was 11.

"So I was having trouble deciding what to do with my father and my step-father at my wedding. I was going to have my stepfather accompany me down the aisle but he worried that it should be my father. My solution - have all the parents involved in some meaningful way.

"First my husband's parents went down the aisle, followed by my husband. Then my father and stepmother, followed by my mom and stepfather, and finally me. It signified that all our parents helped pave the road of our lives but we must carry ourselves forward. It wasn't "traditional" but everyone was satisfied!"