My wife isn’t very interested in sex, so I turned to man-to-man sex - no hassle, no commitment, no fear of any more “mistake pregnancies.”

My friend has the same situation, except that an extra-marital relationship with another woman caused an unwanted pregnancy with her. He ended up with lots of legal problems and social disapproval.

I always dreamed about women, not men. Because of my marital circumstances, I now consider myself bi-sexual.

Recently, I smiled at my wife and said, “Let’s start again as friends.” But I cannot go without sex at least once a week. So again I have an appointment with my Man.

I don’t want to go to a prostitute. I’m okay now with a man, but with always a feeling of guilt.

I need help to go back to my wife.

Driven by Sex

You’ve traded one complicated relationship for two of them.

That’s your choice. But, if you want to get back to your wife, you need to learn why she has little interest in sex.

If she was always this way, the gulf between you built up your frustration. BUT if something’s changed in her during your marriage, it’s possible that while you knew your own needs, you didn’t get to understand and work with hers.

(Commonly, these might’ve been, her wanting more affection, compliments, emotional closeness, or help in the house and/or with kids.)

It’s not too late to try.

Instead of asking to be “friends,” ask to be true partners and get help learning how. Suggest marital counselling together. It takes no more time than leading a double life, and is guilt-free.

Meanwhile, practice safe sex because sexually transmitted diseases are still possible between two men.

I'm in my mid-20's, in a three-year relationship. He's wanted to get engaged, but I don’t. I've used my dad's death two years ago as a reason.

That’s partially true and I’ve sought counselling and a support group to work on this.

But I'm also privately hesitating because I’m having doubts. He’s a great person; we have similar interests, goals, and get along great. He gives me love that people only wish for. Yet my feelings have changed.

Now that I’m healing from my father’s death, I feel a loss of excitement in my relationship.

I love and care about him, but I don't feel attracted to him (he IS attractive).

I'm scared that if I end it, I’ll regret it. I’m increasingly attracted to one ex (from six years ago).

He wouldn't be half as good to me, but I feel so attracted to his personality and interests.

We've both changed since our break up and we're better suited for each other now.

Yet some things that didn't work then still won't work. I won’t date him or cheat, but I now know I can feel more attracted and more excitement for someone else than my boyfriend. But I don't want to hurt him.

Torn for Excitement

Losing your father doesn’t “heal” easily. It still affects your feelings about other relationships, especially about being with a man for the long-term.

This boyfriend deserves more than your lessened excitement and attraction. It’s unfair to hang on, because you fear later regrets. AND, it’s likely you will cheat eventually, unless you clear your confusion and reassess what’s going on with you.

Stay with the counselling and discuss this as part of it. Explain to your guy that you want to be sure, for both your sakes.

FEEDBACK Regarding the pregnant daughter-in-law who’s become volatile (January 15):

Reader #1 – “She may be having hormonal swings set off by the pregnancy. It could be related to an undiagnosed bi-polar disorder. She should see her doctor.

“How about saying, “You’re a good person, and this rage is making us worried that you aren’t yourself”....”

Reader  #2 – “There's the possibility of perinatal depression which can be just as devastating as post- partum depression. Yet there’s little information regarding it.

“I suffered from it myself and it can be confusing, frustrating, and devastating to realize that no matter how hard you try, you can't control your feelings or reactions.

“This condition can be very serious! Please make people aware that it does exist and that they are NOT losing their minds or destined to be bad mothers!

“Talk to your doctor openly.”

Ellie – Main message here, when odd behaviour’s worrying, get a medical check!