My daughter and her husband have kept their children out of school for the past few years. I can’t convince them of the harm they’re doing to their kids.
The children are spending most of their time playing unsuitable games on computers/screens in their bedrooms, with little time socializing with other children.
I’m very worried about their future.
What can I do other than speak to their school principal or Children's Welfare Services?
A Grandmother’s Responsibility
It’s understandable that you feel a responsibility about your grandchildren getting the best education possible.
Yet, though you titled your email “homeschooled grandchildren,” you wrote no details that might’ve explained the parents’ reasons for this choice.
Do they sincerely believe that homeschooling is a better learning choice for their children?
Here’s a very simple start to being informed:
Homeschooling is legal in all Canadian provinces. The homeschooling community is often a part of homeschoolers' lives. Each province has its own Education Act and Regulations.
In the United States, homeschooling is lawful in all fifty states.
Some reasons why parents prefer homeschooling: Academic flexibility, parent choice of pace and approach, meeting students’ current needs, education not based on minimal standards, time for the stuff public schools cut, etc.
Besides your disagreement with this choice, and the limited view you’ve had of how the children spend their time, it seems that contacting a child welfare agency would be unnecessary and damaging to your relationship with the family.
Talking to their school principal may be helpful to better understanding what homeschooling content is required in your school jurisdiction.
Most important, you need to open a new, sincerely interested conversation with your daughter. Say that you’d like to learn about homeschooling, why many parents choose it, what benefits they’re seeking and achieving.
If you want to be a close source of encouragement, love and support to your grandchildren, you need to try something other than just worrying and arguing over their parents’ choice.
Readers’ Commentary We emigrated here 20 years ago, started a business with little resources, and it went well.
I started using pornography but gradually porn wasn’t enough for me. I visited places while travelling for business. It was sex addiction.
Eight years later, my wife confronted me about my indifference. I was kicked out the day after my confession.
The first three years were hard, feeling the pain I’d caused my family.
My daughter didn’t talk to me for two years. Gradually, the family accepted me back to visit and spend time together.
In 2014, I started to help other guys through an online ministry.
I thought if I could save a man from the pit of self-pity, pride, resentment, and lust, so his family doesn’t have to endure the suffering, which my family experienced, that’ll be worth even one family.
I’ve been doing that since, teaching and leading by example.
In my experience, it’s all about the heart issues, which most of us carried from our family of origin. But one thing is true; all vices are rooted in pride.
If a man can lose his pride, know how to apologize, how to be humble, how to not flirt, how to not lie, how to not fear because of past experiences, how to deny oneself for others’ benefit, he will be fine on his journey.
Ellie – Many men and women will benefit from your story, learning that they can change the behaviour that lost them the love and respect of their families.
FEEDBACK Regarding the damage done to children by cheaters (August 29):
“I was in a similar situation, including my teen ending up in the psychiatric ward.
“When I told my husband that our child was suicidal, he insisted that he needed to go to work (where his lover was). I was left to take our son to the hospital.
“My husband developed a terminal illness a few years later, and I cared for him until he died. Our son refused to see him and our friends were disgusted by his cheating behaviour.
“I was furious to learn that my husband had told our best man about his affair three years before I knew. I’ve cut him out of my life. Even an anonymous letter with the woman's name and information would’ve been appreciated.
“I wish that any married cheater would realize the horrible, permanent damage that they’re doing to their children and spouses.”
Tip of the day:
Grandparents mustn’t rush to less-than-informed judgment and misunderstanding of their adult children’s choices.