I’m 28, male, in love with a wonderful woman with whom I had a great relationship for two years. It went sour when I didn’t fill her in on how I made a living.

We’ve now been apart for nine months, but still in contact, and still hang out occasionally.

Since our split, I’ve turned my life around, and I’m doing very well. I love her so much, and want to be with her, and she feels the same way about me, but when I think we’re taking steps in the same direction she flips on me or changes her mind.

Everybody makes mistakes, and I learned from mine, but she has trust issues, and will not give me the second chance that I need to complete my life.

- Turned out in Chicago

Two years of a “secret” occupation points to activities that are illegal, dangerous or a scam… especially since you don’t say here what it was. No wonder she needs a lot more time and evidence of your “turnaround.”

This was no small mistake, and she needs to be sure you’re not just trying to woo her back, then eventually return to your old ways.

Give YOURSELF that second chance at earning someone’s respect and trust, by staying with the changes you’ve made. It may be that this woman may not be able to forgive a two-year hidden side to the man she thought she knew.

But by sticking with being upfront and honest with people, you’ll have every chance for connecting with someone new.

I’ve been dating this guy for ten months and so far he’s wonderful except that he doesn’t take me out anywhere.

I do everything to please this man: since he loves sports, we stay home all day and night watching games. We went to games during the baseball season, but afterwards, we’d go straight home to watch more games on TV.

He doesn’t pay attention to what I wear or compliment me, but he knows when I’m sad, if I change my moods, or something bothers me.

We’ve only been out for dinner or a movie three times in 10 months, and I always offer to share the bills.

It also happened with my previous boyfriend. No one seems to enjoy going out with me.

I wasn’t even invited to meet my boyfriend’s family on the holidays.

I’m not from this country and I don’t have family here or friends. I don’t want to say anything because I don’t want to see him upset. I love this man and I’d do everything to make him more comfortable with me.

- Miss Rejected

You’re already doing “everything,” and it isn’t working for you.

For HIM, it’s made you an easy doormat – he gets to do exactly what he wants, and doesn’t have to bother doing what you want or bringing you closer into his life.

You’ve unwittingly set this up by going along with being his Babysitter with Benefits… and it’s time to stop. Either he behaves as a partner and shows some willingness to please you - going out and acknowledging your interests, too - or it’s game over.

Meanwhile, you need to work on creating a network of friends and colleagues whom you enjoy, join activities that absorb you and get out for fun times. This will boost your self-esteem so that you no longer accept being the invisible part of a couple.

My boyfriend and I plan getting married, but I’m worried about our differences: My parents take vacations together, go to parties as a family, etc.

His dad always stays home watching television, and doesn't accompany his wife and family to gatherings, even on important occasions. They don't even sit down to eat as a family.

My guy agrees to marry in a church but doesn't agree to go to church with me, not even occasionally.

- Concerned

Unless you talk now about what you want and come to some agreements and compromises, you’ll clash repeatedly when married and when you have kids.

For a union to thrive, there must be mutual satisfaction with the basic lifestyle, and not one side “winning,” and the other resenting. I urge you to see a couples’ counsellor together, for professional guidance to discuss and work through some of the more emotional issues on which you differ.