I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years, have no kids and work long hours so I like flexibility with my free time.  

My girlfriend has kids and also works a lot so there’s not much time for “us.”

I feel our relationship is in a rut.

Although she puts her kids first, which I fully support, I also feel she could find time for us, which doesn’t happen.

We’re physically attracted to each other and love spending time together. However, it’s always with the kids.

Since neither of us seems able to compromise, I think this relationship has run its course.

Perhaps I’m not ready to accept someone with kids and have too many expectations of her. Is there a way to find a balance?

- Frustrated

Your “support” sounds pretty limited. After all, when you’re finished doing things as a group, the kids are usually sleeping… unless they’re allowed to rule the roost and go to bed late, or are teenagers. 

In the latter case, you two should be able to get out without them at least once a week; or, if they’re youngsters up too late, more parenting is needed to get them to bed and give you two time without them. Has any of this been discussed?

After three years, are you a partner in helping her with the kids or helping pay for a reliable babysitter occasionally? My point: You seem to think you’re individuals just dating, while she’s involved in raising a family.

If you love her, you need to offer more; otherwise, you’re not ready to share her life.

Recently I caught my husband of 12 years kissing my friend. They both said it meant nothing. He said she kissed him, and she said he kissed her. Both swear they’re not attracted to each other and blame that they’d been drinking. 

I don’t know what to believe; I don’t think he’s done this before, but I can’t forget it.

My previous marriage ended over my ex-husband’s affair.

My husband feels he’s apologized and it should be over. I’ve lost all faith in him and in my ability to judge people. The only reason I’m still trying to work things out is because we have a child, but I’m scared that he’ll do it again.

Should I just move on, or get my husband to listen to my fears?

- Repeat Performance

It was a kiss - a foolish, hurtful kiss - but NOT an affair. Don’t end your marriage by judging this guy from your past. 

He must hear your fears, and share with you any of his frustrations.

Perhaps your previous experience has left you generally untrusting, or insecure, making him feel constrained.

Or maybe he drinks too much and needs help to recognize this warning sign that he loses good judgment when he drinks, and must cut back.

Use this incident as an opportunity to confide in each other, and get closer. He already knows that there’s no second chance if it happens again.

My daughter’s pregnant, yet wants to leave her husband after the baby’s born, because he’s lazy. What can we do?

- Disturbed

Talk sense: She needs to give him a chance to rise to his responsibilities as a father, at least until she’s secure in her new role. Her feelings may come from hormonal overload and/or anxiety about motherhood. 

Be supportive and helpful now, and during the post-partum period.

I’ve been out of a horrible relationship for one year; I almost lost my life, but I luckily emerged a stronger, wiser person for it. 

Men used to approach me, ask me for dates, buy me drinks, etc. However, since this last relationship, that’s all stopped.

Could I be subconsciously giving off vibes that I’m uninterested? I know my flirting skills need a tune-up, but I’m unsure of what’s too much, or not enough. The guys now walk away with other girls. What’s changed?

- Unnoticed

You’ve changed, dramatically. You’re wiser, and also more wary. 

You’re past just “walking away” with a guy after a quick come-on. And that’s a good thing.

Now, you should be the selective one, after you’ve met someone through something you have in common, not just a wink or a nod.

Look for friendship first, and if the guy seems worth knowing better, the flirting will come naturally.