I've been dating my high-school sweetheart for nine years, we’re now 25. We've purchased a condo together (ready in December).

Last fall I started hanging around with some new friends whom she disliked. I went through some depressing times, she worried about the distance in our relationship and that I'd changed.

She said she felt no spark/not in love anymore, which devastated me.

We agreed to work on it, but I became very needy.

She also has stress from work and is going back to school for an MBA which makes her more anxious.

We took a break with no communication, but she’s still confused and depressed.

I want to try everything before we let it go because I love her unconditionally. Yet it seems the tank’s empty on her side.

Should I give up or give it time? Do we seek professional help?

- Still Hoping

As a couple, you BOTH have to want to get professional help, in order for it to work. So if she’s not looking toward repairing the relationship, you need to suggest a different path.

I recommend a “timeout with purpose:” i.e. you each spend six months apart seeking individual counselling to assess what changes are important to you, both in yourselves and in any future relationship.

Neither of you is the same person that you were back in high school, and it’s not unusual that your union cannot remain the same, either.

But to understand how to move forward to a new way of relating to another, and to be flexible through life’s new stages, you need to understand yourselves better.

After a self-reflective break, you’ll better decide whether you can get back together.

I’m a new mother of a son who was born with a little defect. It affects his mouth so breastfeeding isn’t possible; I pump my milk for him. He’ll have to undergo a few corrective surgeries.

I feel I’m the only one raising him. When my boyfriend comes home from work, he does nothing but watch TV or play video games.

He watches porn whenever he’s alone, even for a second, and annoys me by bugging for "favours.”

I feel overwhelmed, tired, and rarely get a good sleep. When my baby’s sleeping, I clean the house.

Ellie, the only time my boyfriend helps me clean - only a little - is when I break down crying. Even when the baby’s bawling in front of him, he won’t do a thing. He says he loves me, but then why does he have such a strong need to watch porn and stare at all the "pretty girls?”

I did say I didn't mind if he watched porn occasionally, but didn't expect him to get so carried away with it! I don't know if I love him anymore.

- No Helpmate

Your guy needs a wake-up call about his responsibilities as a father and partner. Forget tears – tell him straight up that you won’t be staying with him unless he starts to be a father and partner to this baby who needs attention physically, and emotionally.

Remind him that he’ll be paying for child support, receiving no “favours” from you, and cleaning for him, if he doesn’t stop using porn, and TV to avoid participating.

Just in case the baby’s condition has made him uncomfortable and worried, get him enough information about the repair process, to reassure him. If that doesn’t work, learn your legal rights regarding separating.

My out-of-town teenage niece used to spend time with me but now shows no interest. She’s busy with school, dance, music lessons, drama club etc. I sent her a birthday present but got no response.

On my birthday there was no contact. Yet her younger sister says she finds time for online discussion groups and being with girlfriends.

I have no children, have always sent presents.

Should I confront her or forget about her?

- Feeling Resentment

She owes you politeness, should’ve thanked you for your gift, and sent a birthday cared. But she does NOT owe you the kind of attention you seem to be seeking.

It’s healthy that she’s so busy with school and extracurricular activities, and normal that her peer relationships take precedence. Be assured that you’ve had an important influence on her so far, and will again as she matures.

But next birthday, send a card only.