I just got out of a 12-year relationship (high school sweethearts) last September. I did everything I could to try and make things work. I was patient, understanding, forgiving, open, loyal, and loving.

But whenever I tried to have a serious discussion, he’d shut down and play being asleep, or change the subject.

He ended up cheating on me (again). He built a relationship with a woman who’s a known player and has three kids. She knew about me.

He purposefully mistreated me until I blew up. He used that excuse to break up with me… through a text message.

He then moved out of his parent's home and into her house.

Why would he leave me for her? I’m a good, attractive, fun-loving, educated, and employed woman who wanted the best for us so we could start planning a family.

Instead he took the easy way and implanted himself in a ready-made situation.

She’s now telling our mutual associates that he’s the one who tried so hard. But in reality, his priorities were cheating, hanging with the boys, alcohol, and drugs.

I know I'm better off without him, but I still can't wrap my head around why he’d do this.

Why Did He Leave Me?

You don’t have to understand him, because you are better off.

He cheated repeatedly, was/is into drugs and alcohol, didn’t communicate, mistreated you, and wasn’t mature enough after 12 years to even discuss having a family.

Be grateful that you’ve outgrown both high school and him. Know that she is now stuck mothering him.

He’d never have become an equal, respectful partner for you – the kind you’re ready to meet.

One year ago, I applied for a promotion to another department when nearing the end of my contract with the company.

Everyone thought that I was a shoe-in. Three of us applied for the position (neither of the other two had familiarized themselves with the position, as I had, by helping out my hoped-for-supervisor in my spare time).

But, to my surprise… I didn't get it.

What's worse, that supervisor posted the promotions on the board, rather than talk to me. I was obviously upset and ceased all extra work.

What upset me most is that I would’ve appreciated an explanation – not that I felt it was my RIGHT, but it would’ve acknowledged that he was appreciative of my work.

Ironically, after my accepting another job, one of the candidates pulled out and when they offered me the position, I turned it down.

Last week (six months later), I learned that the supervisor had been under pressure from the company president to hire candidate B over me because of familial connections.

I understand he feels guilty over his decision – although he still hasn't approached me.

Having been a manager myself, I understand sometimes you’re forced into things you don't want to do and I’ve come to terms with the decision.

Should I let him know that I’m aware of why I didn't get the position and that there are no hard feelings? Or just leave it alone?

More Accepting

Drop it. You’ll embarrass him if he admits he had to cave to pressure, or alienate him if he resents your reference to it.

Just by your being polite, professional, and pleasant when you see him, he’ll appreciate your conduct. And he already knows your capabilities and work ethic.

That’s enough to remain good colleagues, and for him to recommend you in future if he has the chance.

FEEDBACK Regarding grand-parent relationships (July 7):

Reader – “When our children were young, my husband was away a lot for work. Though my husband's sister only had one child and her husband was around, my mother-in-law would rather help out her daughter.

“My MIL and FIL would take our niece several times a week and at least once on the weekend, so SIL and her husband could do their own things.

“Yet they’d go for weeks, even months without seeing our children. But in the long run, I realized that they did us a favour.

“We relied mainly on ourselves and sometimes on my family (in another city) and our children flourished because of it.

“Our children are excellent students, well-adjusted, involved in many activities. We’re close with them.

“My SIL is now divorced and my in-laws are realizing that all the help they provided actually hindered the couples’ abilities as parents and marriage partners.”