My boyfriend and I got back together six months ago after an on-off eight-year relationship. We’re both late-30s. He often says he loves me.
Recently, I noticed him cheapening out on things, e.g. cancelling our dates at our favourite five-star restaurants, Broadway shows, classical concerts, ballets, the opera, etc.
Instead we've been staying in, cooking at home, watching DVDs, or attending free functions. That’s no fun at all.
It disappointed me even more when he didn't care about taking me out on New Year's Eve. I asked him why and he said it’s a recession and things are too expensive.
He isn't poor and he often brags about his job promotions and earning six figures. Or did he lie about it? Why is he acting cheap or investing less in me? Is he dating someone else?
- Annoyed
Little wonder the two of you kept breaking up – and likely will again – since you’re not open with each other.
Yes, there’s been a recession and even people who earn well have been re-thinking their spending habits. It would be logical/helpful for both of you to talk about this.
HE should be explaining his changed pattern; YOU should be asking thoughtful questions rather than labelling the guy as “cheap.”
But, if spending time at home with him always feels like “no fun,” do yourself and him a favour, and move on.
I’m university age, my siblings are in high school; over five years, my mother’s increasingly addicted to watching TV – 5-to-7 hours daily. She’s gained a lot of weight, exacerbating already serious health problems.
It’s hurtful because we feel that she cares more about the TV than about spending time with her family. She doesn’t do anything outside of work and taking care of the kids. We think the lack of a social life makes her depressed and more TV-dependent.
We love her and we want her to spend more time with us and be more active so that she can feel healthier and good about herself.
We don’t know how to talk to her about this, as she doesn’t listen to us about most things. When we do raise it, she takes it really personally. She’s even said that the TV is her only friend, or that it’s our fault that she’s so tired, so we have no right to complain.
Since our Dad hates TV in general, she doesn’t listen to him at all about it. How can we address this in a way that shows we genuinely care about her?
- Concerned Kids
Your mother IS depressed; television is the symptom more than the disease. It’s not the children’s responsibility to get her to a doctor, but if gentle encouragement doesn’t initiate some change, your father must step up and get her a medical check-up to probe the cause.
Meanwhile, invite Mom out and treat her for lunch. Or, ask her for some time – say, over tea – when you two can chat. Don’t launch into a lecture; rather, say you just wanted to connect. Start with asking about her work, tell her a little about university life, may be even describe some of your siblings’ recent activities.
After awhile, say how much you’ve enjoyed “visiting” with her and that you and the others have all missed her. Leave it at that. Try again in a few days.
But remember to tell Dad he can’t excuse himself from this problem and needs to be pro-active getting his wife some help.
What happens to families who’ve already been separated? Can they ever re-unite? We’ve had no contact. People tried to support our family, but we disagree.
- Confused
Despite limited information, it’s clear that re-uniting with your ex is on your mind. It IS possible to get back together after a separation – many couples have done so – but both people have to be willing to stop disagreeing long enough to focus on what you have in common.
Having a family is a very good reason to at least consider giving the marriage another chance. It also means you share an interest in those kids.
Think about what areas you can compromise on; decide what are the important issues and what is really small stuff. Ask your partner if he/she is willing to also think this through.
Then start talking together, without blaming, about how you think it can work.
Tip of the day:
If your only enjoy the high life, you’re not ready for a real-world relationship.