We met in our 40s, with similar incomes, both owning our own house and car. Within six months we bought a house together with equity from mine.     
      His son and family were renting his basement. We agreed that my son and family would rent the upstairs, paying $200 more.    
      My son’s hard working, hoping to finish college and his wife’s in college. His son and daughter-in-law are high-school dropouts. He’s a pot smoking gamer.     
      Recently, his son’s wife admitted to regularly stealing food from my son's family. His son got stoned at Christmas, despite my request otherwise. His father defended him.     
      Recently, his father fell and his disability pay isn’t sustaining us. He’s decided he’ll work less as “we” make enough together and I wasn’t entitled to disagree.    
      I noted that his "extra" expenses, e.g. smoking, exceeded mine. Also, I won’t support his deadbeat son and daughter-in-law. He insists I support them no matter how they treat me.     
      I’ve suggested separate banks accounts, he’s refused. He wants out, fed up with my nagging. I don’t want it to end like this.
      - Turning Point

You rushed together too soon; it’s obvious you were both involved with separate families and that at least one will always cause conflict between you.     
      Also, you now see that you each have set values that don’t mesh well. He’s indulgent of his son and arbitrary in his decisions. You want a team approach yet can’t abide his attitudes.    
      Better to part now and learn from your mistake in banking everything on someone you really didn’t know well.

My daughter, 18, is away at university and has been with her boyfriend for several years. She’s very attached, though he treats her very badly. He blames her for anything and everything.     
      She’s always worrying about how not to offend him, or he’ll break up with her. She’s frequently crying and upset because he’s angry with her over trivial matters, then ignores her and makes no effort to get together, as punishment.           
      I fear she’s the victim of emotional abuse.      
      She refuses to leave him or even assert herself when unfairly blamed. I’ve suggested that she get counselling, but she refuses. She’s spoken of suicide if he should break up with her. How can I help her?
      - Worried

Your daughter needs all the support you can pull together. Stay in close contact, visit her, try to get her friends involved in contacting her and even suggest taking her and her guy out with you when you visit or she’s home.
      The more she sees him in your presence, the more she may be able to see him through your eyes.    
      If at all possible, find some approach to suggest “family” therapy, without connecting it to her relationship. Use whatever works – your own relationship with her, how she’s doing at school, her personal self-image, etc. – to convince her to talk to a professional.    
      Meanwhile, make sure she, and you, have handy the numbers of local distress centres both in the university area and at home. For her, you can include fire, police, hospital etc, along with a suicide hot-line, so your fears don’t seem so apparent.    
      But DO talk to her frequently - without always referring to this guy - about herself and her goals. Always include praise and encouragement.     
      If you become more worried, be prepared to initiate an intervention. Discuss this ahead with a therapist to understand what’s involved. The school’s student services department may also have a counselor who can advise you privately.

My boyfriend of six years was hurt at work; he requires a cane because he damaged nerves in one leg. We’d broken up and got back together many times. I often felt I was supporting him financially, so I’d told him to get a job to help me out.    
      Recently, he said he feels this accident happened to him because of me! That if I hadn’t insisted he get a job, he’d never have been hurt. I broke up with him and won’t forgive him for blaming me.
      - Hurt

The accident has left him unhappy, possibly depressed. Yet it seems he’s leaned on you in the past and you let him. You can show compassion for his situation by forgiving his comment, but you do need to re-think the relationship apart from your current hurt/anger.     
      If he’s a constant user and blamer, move on. If not, give him a second chance.