My common-law husband of two years, and I have three children together, ages 11 months, 5 and 9; I’m a full-time homemaker, though I had a high-paying job before we met. I’m now forced to stay home rather than pay for childcare.    
      However, I’m expected to do everything; he can't even pick up dirty clothes on the floor or help with dishes, or the baby and the children's reading homework until I ask him! Sometimes I just want to walk out. He’s too cheap to take me out and complains about expenses, though he’s earning well.     
      He always has an excuse, e.g. his studying time, but mostly he’s surfing the Internet. I understand him not wanting to do anything after a full day of mental work and studying for an exam. I’ve been through that, too, but we’re building a partnership. I need a rest too.    
      His previous marriage failed because his wife complained about doing everything in the house. Now I know why. I love him, but feel like a slave.
      - Trapped

You’re both following his old pattern by polarizing your positions. He’s clearly behaving as before (which contributed to divorce), while you’re using words like “forced” and “slave” instead of discussing strategies for this marriage to work.    
      Just getting him to move dirty clothes won’t solve the problem; he has to understand the meaning of “partnership.” You’re equal, whatever your household role in these early years … or you’ll leave before the later ones.    
      Discuss solutions instead of complaints. For example: 1) Hire weekly cleaning help to relieve some pressure – he either pays, or pitches in (“expenses” are for your needs, too, not just the house, food and kids); 2) Consider getting part-time work from home (evenings), to pay for some babysitting when you want to get out, or weigh your earning power versus the cost of child care, say, twice weekly, and seek part-time work on those days.    
      Most important, this is his family. Not being available to children, especially the older kids’ homework needs, is far less supportive of them in the long run than his need to rest from “mental work.”

Dear Readers: My September 24 column included a question from a woman who said her bi-polar condition and desire to be childless meant she didn’t want to help her boyfriend get his children out of foster care and into their home, where he needed her help till he found work. She wanted to continue their life as is, and leave the children with foster parents.    
      While I understood her right to reject raising someone else’s children, my feelings were stronger for the needs of already-traumatized youngsters. I suggested that she help him for a while, then move on if she still so desired.     But some readers sent strong messages about the needs of people with bipolar conditions that are worth sharing:
      Reader - I suggest that the lady with bipolar not be pressured to take on this responsibility as this could potentially cause a rebound in her illness -- added stress -- and then it would be more traumatic for the children as they may all end up in a shelter. I am a mother and a nurse.    
      Reader – She’s holding down a job with a bipolar disorder, no easy feat … I should know having faced many years of depression yet also working full-time.     
      Reader – She’s being responsible and is clearly a very strong woman to know these limits she must enforce upon herself.

My father died 15 years ago, buried in a double plot that was to eventually include my mother. She’s since moved thousands of miles away to be closer to my family. She’s very ill, has no assets and will be leaving me her sizeable debts. I’m her only child, and not wealthy.    
      But she’s requested to be buried next to her husband and won’t consider cremation. Is it selfish of me to try and convince her to be buried nearby to avoid the additional expense of shipping her body?
      - Upset Already

First, talk to a funeral home and find out the comparative costs of transport – train, plane, etc. Then, if you simply can’t afford it at all, talk to your mother about the love you share, the years she’s spent living close by, etc.    
      Hopefully, she’ll soften on her decision. If not, you’ll have to make whatever decision you can handle.