I’m in my 40’s, the father of two great boys from my first marriage, who mean the world to me – I’m not interested in having more children.  

For five years that was fine with my common-law girlfriend. But recently, she broke off our relationship, saying we’re done if I don’t give in to her demands for marriage and a child of her own.

Eventually I did, now we’re back together, planning for a wedding and kids. What I haven’t said is that I’m feeling somewhat manipulated and bitter.

But if I express my true feelings, she’ll leave me again.

What should I do?

- Trapped

Using the “M” word is a cop-out. You can’t claim you’re “manipulated,” while you still have a choice. 

However, five years of living with a woman in her child-bearing years should’ve had you using your head and raising the topic. If you hadn’t been totally close-minded, you might’ve heard her thoughts about a ticking biological clock, a sense of being less important to you than your kids, and insecurity about not being married.

Her ultimatum should NOT have come as a surprise. But if you marry her harbouring resentment, you’ll repeat your pattern of keeping mum until one of you explodes with frustration.

Next time it could be you, so decide now if you’re In or Out.

My mother-in-law visits from out of town once or twice yearly for three to four weeks, and stays with us though she has other family and friends here.  

We’d like stays of only a few days or a week as it’s exhausting entertaining her. She’ll undoubtedly be offended we say this, yet my husband feels the same as I do.

I don’t think it’s appropriate for someone to stay that long at anyone’s house.

Am I wrong? Should I just suck it up?

She only visits her other child for a few days at a time as they end up having a falling out soon after her arrival.

- Overstayed Welcome

The balance between her being offended and your being exhausted is what needs to be worked on. 

Any comment might cause a hurt reaction, but setting limits are necessary. They make a situation more palatable and get across the message that it’s a compromise solution that’ll work for everyone.

Consider having her visit every few months for a five days, then helping her move to her other family for a few days.

The fact you invite her more often may neutralize the shorter stay.

Or talk to her friends and see if you can set up a shared visit of five days each, so her visit can still extend to, say, two-to-three weeks.

Also, look into other means of “entertaining” her – get movie passes for her and her friends, sign her up to a local seniors’ club, or for seniors’ day care, look into other outings such as visits to museums and art galleries through organized day trips with transportation.

My close pal has been avoiding me and I recently heard he left his wife, yet never called to tell me. It’s as if he didn’t trust me enough to share this information. 

Do I assume he no longer feels we’re friends?

- Hurt

Assume he’s hurting a lot more than you, and his taking cover for a while has nothing to do with you. 

A marital split is painful and disorienting, no matter the reason.

Find him. Offer a shoulder, a shared drink, or just your empathy.

My fiance’s ex girlfriend is his “golf buddy.” 

He once stayed at her house all-day and “talked” about our business.

I said it was her or me. He chose me but continued to email her secretly.

Each time we break up it’s because of her. He says I have trust issues because I don’t believe an engaged man should go to female friends’ houses.

He’s in contact with many women on the personal sites.

He’s possessive, a liar, and cheater.

Was I right to end it?

At 59, I wonder if I’ll find another man.

- Finished

You did the right thing. Mistrust is well placed with this guy, who’s jerking you around and doing as he pleases. 

At 59, you deserve a man who gives you peace of mind along with love, not turmoil.

His flaws aren’t about visiting a friend’s house: they’re his lying, and still playing the field.