I’ve been dating a divorced man, 53, for over a year. He has several teenage daughters. The youngest and he are very affectionate with each other. He’ll fall asleep with his head in her lap while they’re watching television.
This makes me uncomfortable. I understand any father doting on his daughter but for him to reverse roles seems strange to me, and to have her "play parent” with him is perplexing.
I’ve never been with them when this occurs, but I get a strange feeling whenever he tells me about it. When I have been with the two of them, they interact like a married couple and she is his partner.
Once when he and I were out for lunch, he became very concerned that his daughter might walk by and see us. I have children and never place them in the role of partnering or taking care of me. Nor would I be concerned that my children saw me at lunch with the man I was dating and loved. Am I wrong?
More worrisome is his concern about his daughter discovering that you two are out together, without her. You can hardly plan on “love” with a man who’s held hostage to his teenage daughter’s possessiveness. Especially when he’s fostering those emotions in her.
Have The Talk: where are you two headed together and is he prepared to introduce you as his partner to his children. If his answer is as fuzzy as his parental boundaries, say Good Bye.
When my friends ask my opinion, I’m always honest. I compliment them when they succeed or try hard, not whenever they ask for it. They often seek advice on important issues, so they must value my honesty.
With relationships, I don’t lie to women to make them feel good. I use honesty, love and practical gifts like coffee or school work help. Other males use extravagant compliments.
What infuriates me is that women see my signals as “friendly” while the compliments are considered “romantic.”
I'm 21, focusing on academics and hobbies, but will soon be looking for relationships. Is it unrealistic to want a woman who prefers my honesty?
Your “infuriation” signals that, while you promote yourself as Super-Honest Guy, you’re rigid in your thinking and self-righteous ... traits that are NEVER seen as romantic.
However, your youth and focus on academics are natural reasons for holding so tightly to what you know how to do, which is blurt out raw opinions. But, in the dating area, you’re timid about trying something new, such as finding positives to praise.
It’s not dishonest and more practically uplifting in relationships, than caffeine.
My son just got married. One of his cousins, a successful accountant, gave a card with no gift. He had attended, after replying that he was bringing his girlfriend.
Perhaps he “meant” to include a cheque or somehow a gift went missing. How should this be handled?
Your son should wait a couple of months after the wedding and then call personally. He can admit that it’s an awkward situation but he didn’t want his cousin to have lost a cheque or gift.
While “formal” guest etiquette officially allows for a year to send a wedding gift, it’s hard to retrace one that’s lost, after too long.
I'm tired of being worried, having difficulty everyday making tough decisions. My job involves tough decisions; I put them off, often creating other problems.
I raised this with my wife once; she got a look of horror on her face. I’m the bread winner. She didn’t want to see this kind of weakness.
I'm afraid to go to counselling because a friend of mine had his counselling records produced in an injury lawsuit. The records were not confidential.
You’re depressed and should see your doctor immediately. Health records ARE confidential as are most counselling records, so your friend’s case is an exception. Perhaps it was through his employment program if the workplace is where his injury occurred.
Being overwhelmed is NOT a weakness; it’s a fact that can be alleviated, through medication when needed, behaviour management therapy if required, improved time management and re-thinking priorities. Getting help to feel better isn’t a tough decision.
Tip of the day:
Father-daughter relationships can be close, without being confining or confusing.