Dear Readers - A male online dater shares strategy tips that worked. Women can learn from this too:
“I had an absolute blast with online dating, meeting many great people from all different backgrounds. Some didn’t work out, some became short-term relationships, and one became my bride-to-be and mother of our child.
“I’m average in every way, in my early 30’s, not in shape. I’m educated and have a decent job. So two big complaints about online dating: gold diggers and superficial people. These didn’t happen to me.
“Also, women get a TON more messages than men. So, men, you need to make any message you send stand out.
“I worked hard to get a good first message template, which I’d copy and paste to every message I sent, modifying to make it personal.
“My message had humor and some personal information, but not too personal (e.g. so you have something to talk about later).
“Some won’t agree, but my next tip is to ‘carpet bomb’ – i.e. message LOTS of people.
“Don’t be too selective, since almost everyone lies in their profile, so you may exclude someone who seems ‘too good.’ Also message someone that doesn’t seem so appealing, so you can learn more… She might turn out to be the one for you!
“For every five to ten messages I’d send, I got one response, and one date out of every five responses.
“I sent out hundreds of messages, went on a number of first dates, some of which turned into second, third, and more dates.
“I found that many women I’d date were doing similar things, and dating different people several times a week.
“You need to toughen up and not expect fireworks with every person you meet. You WILL be rejected sometimes. Possibly a lot of the time. I went on a number of first dates I thought went great, only to be avoided afterwards.
“It can be a tough game, but it worked out for me as I now have the woman of my dreams, a baby, and I’m planning a wedding… all three years after first creating my account with an online dating site.”
Is there a polite way for me to say I don’t appreciate the question, “Where do you come from?” from people I’ve just met?
To me, it means, “I hear an accent, you’re different.” I don’t mind this question after knowing someone awhile.
Today (again) a new colleague asked this question as the second sentence of our conversation.
Since I come from a country that currently has a lot of financial difficulties, her next remark was, “Aren’t you happy you’re not living there now that you have such a big debt?”
How do I respond to comments such as, “Your countrymen are all lazy, they’re crooks, they cheat on taxes, they have huge pensions, no wonder your country is bankrupt,” etc?
You’re sensitive, naturally, if people badmouth your birthplace and national character, no matter what’s in that country’s current news.
However, the initial question, “where do you come from?” is often asked without judgment, as people seek a way to be chatty and show interest.
With strangers, you can deflect and say, “I’m from here, now,” and change the subject. They’ll get the message.
But with new colleagues, you don’t want to appear standoffish, even though you prefer more time to know them before sharing backgrounds.
Try this, with a friendly manner: “I’m interested in talking about the job, for now. What can you tell a newcomer?”
When my father passed away five years ago, he had to pay criminal fees. Since my mother didn't have any money, my uncle (father's brother) volunteered to pay.
Now, he's demanded the money back. At the time, he didn't say anything regarding payback. Do we have to give him the money? Mom’s living on a pension and I'm still in university, so we don't have that money currently.
Upset and Worried
You need to fully understand these “criminal fees” in order to deal with this. Once you and your mother are clear on why your father owed this money, and to whom, get to a legal aid clinic to discuss the “voluntary” payment.
Was there a written or verbal agreement, and a re-payment deadline? If not, your uncle was still helpful, and should be re-paid when possible, e.g. in portions, once you get a job. Or, you may have to consider getting a university student loan.
Tip of the day:
Practical strategies can help with online dating.