I had a boyfriend and he was cheating with my girlfriend. I married somebody else. Later, my ex contacted me and started arguing with me about my marriage.

This haunts me.

Please help.

Troubled in New Jersey

Being “Haunted” over an ex’es comments reveals he’s a ghost-image that’s hung around in your mind for a long time. It likely means that you married on a rebound.

But today’s reality is your life with your husband, and what it’s turned out to be. If you feel you married too hastily, that you’d not have chosen him otherwise, that the marriage has never really worked, then you need to confront your choices: Work on your marriage, or split up.

If you have children, they deserve your giving the marriage a second chance. For real problems in the marriage, you need to discuss them honestly with your spouse, and together decide if counselling will help.

But if the barrier to being happy is within you, then confront your regrets, and get counselling for yourself, to weigh your next move. Just remember, your ex was a cheater. Be sure you know who and what he is today before you see him as the answer.

I’m 31, my girlfriend’s 35. I’m totally in love with her and plan to marry her next year.

Our plans for the future, including career, house and traveling the world, would take up the next five years.

She’ll be around 40 when we start trying for a couple of kids.

Both of our races are predisposed to Diabetes. Medically speaking, is 40 a good time to have the first kid? What are the risks involved?

Planning Ahead

There are relationship clues within your letter, but first, on medical concerns – your wife should seek a gynecologist’s opinion, based on herphysical health examination, her family health history, plus yours.

(The Internet has general information on age of conception and diabetes’ relationship to childbearing, but it’s not specific to her body and health.)

On your relationship –Don’t base all your hopes of happiness together on ticking off each to-do item. Setting a too-specific time for trying to conceive can create a set-up for disappointments.

Every couple needs some flexibility in their plans/goals, to get through times and changing circumstances, without straining their original connection.

I met this girl 18 months ago and became instant friends that summer. We talked/texted 24/7 and hung out a lot. But lately we’re drifting apart, even arguing.

We live in different towns, so after summer we’d constantly Skype, now not at all. When I call she gets this annoyed tone, then says she has to go.

Whenever I text her or message her on Facebook she never says anything back.

It’s like she’s mad or something; it’s been going on since school started.

Yet whenever we get together, things seem mostly normal. When I asked if she was mad at me, she said, “A lot’s going on... I am just busy.”

We’re both still in high school; I’m 16, she’s 17. Am I losing her or looking too much into it?

Missing Friend in Michigan

You’re overdoing it, stressing yourself and her. It has the opposite effect on friendships when someone starts to act too needy.

You’re valuable in yourself - that was proven by your instant close friendship. But teenage insecurity has overtaken you, and though it’s common, so is teenage discomfort with anything not cool, which is what she’s feeling.

Cool it.

A boy at school makes mean remarks and comments everyday, like "You’re ugly, why are you even alive?” It shatters my heart, it lowers my self-esteem, and it makes me not want to live anymore.

I try not to show anger because that’s what people like him want to see. I know I’m not ugly, people say I should be a model. But he makes me actually feel ugly and worthless.

I’ve done nothing to him; I’m a really nice person, 90+ in every class.

I try to forget what he says but think I have anxiety disorder. I hate him more than the man that murdered my uncle.

Can you give me some encouraging advice? I’m 13. 


Worthless in Baltimore

Your uncle’s tragedy has shown you the value of life, including yours. You are NOT worthless; you’re beautiful, smart, and important to your family. This bully must be reported. Your mother (closest adult) should do this with you.