Four years ago, I moved to a village and re-connected with an old high-school friend.

She'd had problems with her older boy. When I arrived here, I met her second son who was having employment problems like his brother, both late 20's, and his "attitude" showed he resented his mom.

Two summers ago, someone was playing an electric guitar outside, loudly, past 2am. The next night it went on until 1am.

Next morning, her younger son came by, and asked if I liked the music he'd been playing for me. I explained that I work long hours and need my sleep.

He got upset, called me a jerk, and drove away. The next weekend the music started again at 11pm. I called the police, and asked to remain anonymous.

When I next saw her son, he was vocally rude to me in public.

He must've gotten my email from his mother's computer... and started sending messages, which I didn't open. Now I'm getting spam porn from him and though I can block messages, the spam porn keeps coming.

I set up a new email address but his mother was a contact and I still get his messages and the porn.

I don't want to involve his mom. She knows nothing of the music, the incident in the driveway, etc., as she was away.

Stupid Problem

This is a serious problem, as you're being harassed, and also have no idea who else knows your email through the spam porn.

You must speak to his mother, because her son is involved in Internet behaviour that may be charged as criminal.

You must also change your email again, and leave her off it, only communicating with her directly. Say that you hope it doesn't affect the friendship, but perhaps, together, you can avoid having to involve the police.

However, if the messages and porn keep coming, you need to be self-protective and have the authorities deliver a strong warning, or, if necessary, a charge. Also, if there's any history or suspicion that he'll act out against you physically, alert police immediately.

I recently moved to another country; my brother-in-law's family lives close by. They've offered help, and extended many invitations. I recently visited them.

My sister doesn't like her husband's family, and feels that I betrayed her. She says, "they were more concerned about a birthday than her wedding"; his sister wore the same colour dress as the bridesmaids; her mother-in-law told her she had a bad attitude, and compared her to her husband's former girlfriends.

However, I witnessed my sister throwing things at her in-laws and she's more concerned about what happened then, than about her marriage.

She's forbidden her in-laws from calling her house when she's home. I love my big sister, though she's immature and unreasonable. How do I repair our relationship?

Divided

It's hard to repair things with someone who's unreasonable, so don't try arguing against her opinion. Instead, say how much you love her and care about her (which is what she seems to want from everyone).

The family behaved kindly, and you're naturally polite and gracious in return, but you don't have to build a close relationship that makes your sister look worse in their eyes, by comparison. And you don't have to report every contact from them to your sister.

Time may soften her reaction from the past, but don't count on it from someone who "throws things" at in-laws.

My husband was on dating sites and messaging an "old flame." I appeared as insecure when I wrote you that I felt like "garbage."

Recently, I discovered he was adding random women on Facebook.

This angered me, not just for preferring other women to me, but they could've been pedophiles he was introducing into our life, and giving them access to photos of our young children. You don't know who's on the other computer.

He admitted that he had added them based only on their looks.

Justified

You've continued monitoring because of your continued instinct to distrust him. Now you're certain that he's on the prowl, to some degree or other.

So the decision is yours, based on what you can handle - whether to leave him, or insist on counselling for him and couples' therapy together.

This time you're dealing from self-confidence, providing the strength you need for either choice.