I work in an office and we’re back together in person several days a week. I’m a marathon runner, so I often run to work and run home. I don’t live very far, but I enjoy it and it helps with my training.
We have a private bathroom in the office, where I get cleaned up and dressed for the day. I’m rarely late as a result of my wardrobe change. Then I go to my desk, get to work and eat my breakfast, which usually consists of a healthy protein bowl with yogurt, nuts, fruit, etc.
It never occurred to me that I was bothering anyone, because I can’t figure out what I’m doing that’s offensive. However, one of my work colleagues has started harassing me. She bangs on the bathroom door when I’m inside changing; drops donuts and sticky buns on my desk (no napkin, so making a mess of my workplace); and making fun of my “skinny little legs,” as she calls them.
The irony is that she is grossly overweight, so much so that she needed a special chair purchased for her desk and she utilizes two cubicle spaces as one. I have never made any comments to her, only hellos when we pass in the office.
Why is she targeting me?
Is skinny shaming a thing?
Your sign-off is a perfect segue to my answer because people get really upset about fat-shaming. So skinny-shaming should be treated similarly, but it’s not.
Try talking gently to this woman. Ask if you’ve offended her and if so, apologize. But if the harassment gets worse, you’ll have to file a complaint with your HR department.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose in-laws say racist things (Oct. 14):
“I am a Black man who was adopted by a white family at birth and raised in an all-white community. I definitely understand a thing or two about racism and racist family members.
“The advice given to the letter writer to continue to try to change their racist in-laws’ mind is misguided.
“People of colour should not have to be responsible for changing other’s racist viewpoints. As a Black man, I’ve often had this pushed onto me to stay in harmful relationships with racists with the idea that somehow my virtuous nature could change an ignorant heart. This never worked and only caused an incredible amount of pain for me. Worse yet was that I felt like a failure for not changing their racist mindset. This is not how it works and is often a fantasy, which non-people of colour seem to assume based off of movies like ‘The Help,’ ‘Driving Miss Daisy’ or ‘The Green Book.’
“The racist individual is the only person responsible for their behavior and a consequence of this is that people may very well not want to be around them.
“The letter writer should set a final boundary - either the racism stops and an amends is offered or they will not be allowed to see her or her family. Then the letter writer will need to be resolute in their decision. They have already stated how the racism hurts them and their family, and saying that once should have been more than enough.
“Any family breaking apart is sad, but this is not the letter writer’s responsibility. Her in-laws willingly forfeited a relationship with her and her family by dismissing their pain.
“There are many articles on how racism affects children, the long-standing effects it has on them and the importance of doing whatever is necessary to protect children’s self-esteem.”
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the singing sister (Oct. 5):
“I had to respond to your advice about the sister who consistently sings very badly and very loudly in the school choir, to the point where she ruins the performances.
“I was singing in an adult choir for a while, and we had a fellow singing who also sang very loudly and very much off-key. It got so bad that some members quit.
“I can honestly tell you there are few experiences more excruciating than singing in a choir where one of the participants sings loudly and off-key.
“For the sake of all the students putting so much time and effort into making the performance work well, it really should be the teacher that takes the offending singer aside to tell them they must sing softly enough that they can hear the other voices in the choir. That is key.
“I'm hoping the choir teacher can step in; it's really their job.”
Former choir singer