My live-in boyfriend of two years doesn't "get" what birthdays mean to me. He's from a conservative family that had a regular family meal with a birthday cake, that's all.

Our family always made a big deal of the whole day - balloons when we woke up, special treats in our school lunches, a party for friends and family with lots of presents and hoopla.

On my recent birthday (34) my boyfriend leapt out of our bed early because of an important business meeting, and worked late due to a big deal in his office.

He'd made a dinner reservation, but it was at a place he likes.... very good, expensive, etc., but not my favorite. He didn't invite my family along, so it was a pretty quiet evening, especially after he said my gift wasn't ready yet; he'd had it made, but the store was late with it.

Do you think he'll always be so careless about things that are so special to me, and I should move on?

Concerned

I think you should grow up. You've lived with him for two years, so there must be qualities you love, admire, respect. If not, his birthday response is of no consequence - even if he showered you with orchids and jewellery, he'd be the wrong guy.

This man IS aware of your special day (though 34 isn't exactly a milestone number) and wants it to be romantic, just you two somewhere he thinks is great. He's gone to the trouble of ordering a gift ahead.

BUT, oh dear, his work intervened ...i.e. the work that helps him afford the pricey restaurant, and what's likely a pleasant lifestyle together. And you're all about feeling deprived, that he reduced your big day to nothing, and blaming his family background for it.

Get a grip. At 34, you should be mature enough to know when a man is persistently careless, insensitive, irresponsible, or any of the other solid reasons for re-thinking the relationship. If he's not, then you're the one who's making a big deal out of nothing significant.

My son married a woman of a different religion and I feel sick about the loss of our family values and traditions. She's a nice person, intelligent, and a good wife to him, but she won't convert to our religion and he won't pressure her to do so.

I invite them to join us for every religious celebration, and try getting her to commit to letting future children learn about their background at a religious school, but she brushes me off with, "We'll see when the time comes." What else can I do?

Disappointed

Have faith in your son that he's already absorbed your values and traditions.... but how he conducts his adult life is his business.

He's chosen a partner for whom you have some regard, so back off and let them work out their own way of dealing with religion. Instead of pressing her for promises about future behaviour, make her comfortable in the present.

If they attend a traditional event, be appreciative, make it fun and interesting. Do NOT turn it into a conversion effort, or you'll find they show up less and less.

Is there a cure for the blues?

Weepy

Sometimes exercise, getting out with people, and/or pursuing a project can lift your spirits. But for persistent depressed feelings, get to your doctor or a clinic for a medical check and treatment.

My wife's father is intrusive, and it's affecting my marriage. He comes over whenever he wants (he insists on having his own key to our new home), and starts garden projects in our yard without asking my wife and I what we'd planned for the backyard.

She says her father's always been this way and there's nothing she - or I - can do. Sometimes I feel that leaving is the only answer.

Angry

-"Leaving" may be just what he wants you to do.... or, he thinks he's being helpful to you both.

Disarm him: Say that you appreciate his expertise and would like to develop a whole garden plan together, that he can then work on. That way, you might enjoy working along with him, or you'll get it done and keep him busy.

Then, explain that you can't allow other people to have your house key, because of insurance company restrictions.