I moved in with my girlfriend four months ago. Initially, I really enjoyed it, but lately she's very grumpy in the mornings. I can barely talk with her without a dismissive response.

I just want to start my day with a friendly chat or a hello, but her consistent negativity makes it so I can't say anything at all.

When I raise my concerns later in the day, she gets angry and says that's just the way she is in the morning. How do I say that I don't want to be the brunt of her bad mood, without asking her to change who she is?

Frustrated

It's called "Adjustment," and if one or both of you can't handle it, you weren't ready for this move.

If you don't soon adapt to each other, you'll soon storm out permanently.

Regarding Ms. Grumpy: Being her moody morning self is NOT fair play when there are two sharing the space. Either she gets up earlier and takes her empty goodwill to a coffee pump, or she sleeps later while you get up. OR she makes the grand effort to mumble "hello" and not scowl for one hour.

Regarding your Friendly Fellow stance: Save it for the office, beyond the "hello." Just because your way sounds nicer doesn't mean you win. Not if living together amicably is the goal here.

If there aren't some pleasantries exchanged soon into the day, or you two continue to be unable to resolve the morning disconnect, something else may be going on behind the grumps.

Our daughter, six, doesn't seem to "get it" when she's misbehaving. We use the "take it away" approach, constantly removing her TV and computer privileges (both age appropriate only), as punishments. What else can we do?

Upset

Try "logical consequences" - e.g. if the child's daydreaming and not eating, dinner's over (she won't starve). Turn off the computer if there's been too much computer time, not for something else. Direct connections are more likely to get the message across than unrelated restrictions.

I ended a co-dependent relationship six months ago, but would've had difficulty getting out of it without the help of friends. The guy didn't keep up with his friends, tried to separate me from my friends and family through downgrading, until I was a basket case.

He didn't respect my need for time to pursue my hobbies. When I kicked him out, he looted my apartment. I'd anticipated this, and with the help of friends, had removed anything that I valued.

I've made the mistake of getting involved with a partner too soon on several occasions, so I've had this experience. I now try first to learn whether the man has a full life of his own beyond work. Anyone who expects their mate to fulfill all of their needs, without making their own efforts to expand their lives, is a bad candidate for marriage.

Also, my sole sibling is an alcoholic, so my mother and I attend Alanon/Alateen. For your readers concerned about another person's alcohol or drug addiction, we've found that friends and family members who go to Al-Anon, or Alateen for people under 18, find that their own lives get better by finding a group where they feel comfortable and attend regularly.

My Experience

You're gaining knowledge and acting on it. In your relationships and your response to your sibling's addiction, you've learned to assess what's needed, and ultimately follow through. Thanks for sharing these experiences so others can benefit, too.

Since Christmas is a high-stress time, I look for ways to reduce unnecessary pressure e.g. having gifts purchased and wrapped by November's end.

Also, our family decided long ago to choose our own dates for celebrations, and not having to choose one side of a family over another.

My brother and I alternate for Christmas Eve/Christmas Day/Boxing Day. We agree to choose a flexible date for our parents, if either of our in-laws insists on the calendar date.

There's also a way to start a regular rotation: Create a set of folded papers for every family event date, including birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc. Put the folded papers for one year into a bowl. Have a coin toss as to which set of parents gets to pick first.

Whichever family gets a Christmas-related date is ineligible to schedule their "first choice" for any other event day in that holiday period.

De-Stressed