Dear Readers – I recently received two very opposing letters from parents of children in the same grade, with similar social dilemmas. One a boy; the other a girl. And though I am a proponent of being able to be who you feel you really are, in the younger years, when children are going through puberty at different times, the overall behaviours of boys and girls are vastly different.

Reader #1 – “My son has some global disabilities and deficiencies. As a kindergartner, he had a shadow in school, and playdates were often awkward. He stayed at the same school throughout elementary, maintained the same classmates, but was behind intellectually and emotionally.

“When puberty hit in middle school, physically, he was on track, but continued to be stunted emotionally and intellectually. He recently had a birthday and wanted a party fit for a much younger child. I tried to talk him out of it, but he was insistent on what he wanted, and that every boy in his class be invited.

“We planned the party, all the while concerned no one would show. Even his younger sister thought it was childish. On the day of, my son was so excited, and I was worried sick that he’d be disappointed.

“My heart exploded when five minutes into the party, every single boy from his class arrived. They hugged him, told him how cool the party was, and enjoyed the activities with gusto. I’m not stupid; I know they would have preferred to be elsewhere, doing something more age-appropriate.

 

“These boys epitomized what it means to be good people. They made my son feel special and part of the group. I am forever grateful.”

Reader #2 – “My daughter has some psychological and physiological idiosyncrasies. We test her often and do what we can to manage her symptoms and feelings. When she was little, we thought they were just funny kid things, and we noticed other kids doing similar odd things. She had lots of little friends.

“As she got older, her oddities became more pronounced, where her friends’ seemed to all but disappear. Sometimes I would hear her friends comment unkindly when they were over for playdates. Sometimes I would hear my daughter reply with, ‘I can’t help it.’ And I would be proud of her for standing up for herself.

“Other times I would hear her say, ‘It’s not my fault; don’t be mad at me.’ And at those times, my heart would hurt for her that she felt she had to beg her friends to like her through her challenges.

“When she got to middle school, and puberty came into the picture, the proverbial s--- hit the fan. The girls who got taller, grew breasts, and got their period became the cool girls. The focus became their clothes, their hair, their accessories and their social status. The girls who were slower to grow became a group of their own, enjoying each other, and not bothered about the other stuff.

“My daughter is the last of the last, still waiting to get breast buds, still hoping her period will arrive, still checking the mirror daily for a single underarm hair. Her anxiety about being the ‘only’ one not yet ‘there’ is bringing on new quirks and amplifying the old ones. Which is unfortunately pushing her further and further away from her classmates.

“They are ALL one big group now, excluding her and only her. Even the two most recent to cross the puberty line have all but dumped my daughter. They now make fun of her quirks in the classroom, leave her alone at lunch while they all go to Starbucks, and exclude her from any outside events.

“I hate to say it, but why are girls so mean???”

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman afraid to return to the stage (Nov. 10):

Reader - “Do what makes you happy.”

“This heading says it all. Why not give another try?  What have you got to lose?  Especially, as this sounds more like a hobby than a potential career path. At worst, it doesn’t work out. At best, they will meet new like-minded people.

“My ex-wife’s niece met her husband at such an event.  Neither pursued theatre as a career but use the skills they learned through acting in their selected careers.

“Acting teaches you discipline, helps increase your ability to work as a member of a team, increases your memorization skills, gives you confidence, and helps you get comfortable speaking in front of others, even large audiences.

“Acting allows you to be more in tune with your emotions, and more comfortable expressing those emotions.”